Friday, September 23, 2011

Mr. Peepers & the Pittspace Comic


Detail of the comic book
Mr. Peepers, from the
Mr. Peepers postcard


Buy the first-ever Mr. Peepers postcard in a 10-pack to mail to your friends! Available now for $7.50 plus postage!












Thursday, September 22, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 134

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 28, 2009


Hands of Time begins his plans for Pitts Apart!


Show 1: Hands of Time confronts Red Doom
Red Doom came out today and predicted the Hands of Time's arrival a few minutes later. Doom and Hands of Time argued back and forth about things. Doom predicted once more that Hands of Time would be defeated by the one who sees beyond sight. Hands of Time said that tomorrow, he would introduce the new proprietor of the second pitt that he was going to create. He said that Doom would like her, since she fills up a lot of space. Doom said that maybe change would be good, and that the upcoming Pitts Apart wouldn't be so bad. Doom said that he would still fight Hands of Time to the end though.

Show 2: Pitts Apart Begins: Rufus Removed
Hands of Time next appeared before Rufus, and said that he lied about Pitts Apart starting on May 1. He said that it was going to begin right then, and Rufus was going to be the first to take a trip to the second plane of existence. Hands of Time said that their last encounter was a fluke, and that Rufus was able to resist him freezing him in time because his retarded (slow) brain was already frozen, and that he didn't realize what Hands of Time was doing to him. This time, Hands of Time snapped his fingers, and suddenly Rufus was overly scared and was crying out to his mommy not to send him away. That's exactly what Hands of Time did though, as Rufus vanished into thin air. Hands of Time then announced that he was also randomly selecting She Peepers and King Trostelus to also go to this new plane of existence.


All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 133

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 23, 2009


Rufus still thinks he's a superhero!.

Special Man Speaks
My name is...Special Man!!! I.....a.....superhero! I...fight....fight...fight bad guys and beeeat them up fo being bad! I come to Shit Pitt 'cause I good guy and.....I fight to help....people like Rufus! If you...bad guy....you get beat UP by me. So so so if any bad guys hear me.....you bet...er watch out 'cause Special Man coming for you!! (bRAPPP) OOPS I GOT GAS!!


All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 132

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 23, 2009

Special Man!

The Coming of Special Man
Mr. Clementine returned today from who knows where, saying he'd stop doing his show, "Clementine's Children" for a while because he got word that the law had been cracking down on pedophiles in the Rosewood area. With Officer Bates tracking Ink Avenger, Pizazz, and Red Doom though, things had cooled off for him. So Clementine was back, and said he had no guests planned for today. However, he did get a guest in the form of Special Man! Special Man said he was the one Rufus had met at the local fun park this past weekend, and that he the only true "good guy" in all the Shit/Ink Pitt. Mr. Clementine realized immediately that "Special Man" was in fact Rufus, with a cloth mask around his face. Mr. Clementine started talking to Rufus, but Special Man would have none of it, saying he was not Rufus, but had come to avenge Rufus! Special Man said Clementine was bad, bad, bad and that he was going to punish him for touching Rufus so long ago in the Ink Pitt! He started hitting Clementine, and eventually kicked him in the nuts, sending Clementine crashing to the floor! He then ran around like he was flying in a circle before running off, vowing to punish more evildooers!!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 131

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 23, 2009







Steve Spurrier catches Manly Man with Sambo
Steve Spurrier walked in on Manly Man with Sambo today and decided that he wouldn't be asking Manly Man to help him get off anymore. Spurrier didn't like the fact that Manly Man associates with black people. Manly Man didn't care, saying Sambo was bigger and didn't have a wrinkled face and a floppy penis. Sambo couldn't understand why Manly Man doesn't make him actually work, opting instead to get him naked and having him pretend to work for his viewing pleasure.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 130

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 21, 2009


Rufus can't figure out ticket machines,
and Trodemus inducts the Hydricks into his army!


Show 1: Rufus and the Fun Park
Today Rufus talked about going to the local fun park with his special class. He said he couldn't figure out how to make the video games work, so he banged his head into the machines until tickets came out. He then ate the tickets. He was scared of Laser Tag, and wouldn't go in because it was dark in there. He also refused to ride the drop zone because he's afraid of heights. He said he had a good time on the go-carts though. Finally, Rufus said while at the fun park, he met a true, honest-to-goodness "good guy," and that he would be bringing this person to the Pitt in a few days. Rufus said this person was going to fix all the bad guys in the Shit Pitt and save the day.

Show 2: Hydricks join the army
With the full support of Grandma Hydrick, the boys joined Doom and Pizazz's army against the Hands of Time. Trevor, Billy G, Wilbur, and Junior "J-Diddy" Hydrick all repeated an oath given to them by Doom. Doom told them to think about fat ladies as they said their pledge. They said the pledge and Doom declared them all official members of the army. Doom asked Grandma Hydrick who she was, and Trevor told him. For some reason, Doom didn't believe she came back from the dead.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 129

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 15, 2009


Hands of Time can't hold Rufus!

Show 1: Hands of Time experiences Humanity
Hands of Time came out today, and as usual, was high as a kite. After about 2 minutes of talking about the spinning colors and cities (charleston, columbia, and greenville, respectively) he was seeing, he sat down and said he really wasn't a bad guy and that he didn't want to fight Red Doom, Johnny Pizazz, and their army. He said that he didn't want to fight, but Doom and Pizazz continued to persist with their army building and taunts towards him. So Hands of Time realized he had to prove something to them. He decided that he'd give a demonstration of his power, and all he needed was a victim. That's where Rufus the Retard came in. Hands of Time appeared where he was and started messing with him. He tapped his shoulder several times to irritate him, and then threatened to take all his chocolate and his action figures. Rufus finally got mad, and tried to punch Hands of Time. Hands of Time used his time freezing power to freeze Rufus in mid-punch. Usually his power is absolute, and no Ink or Shit Pitt character to date has been able to resist it. By some stroke of fate however, Rufus was able to break free from his frozen state and punch Hands of Time right in the face, knocking him backwards and sending his glasses and hat flying off! NO ONE has ever done this, in all of Ink and Shit Pitt history. The experience was quite a shock for Hands of Time, who backed away from Rufus, writing it off as some fluke caused by Rufus' retardation. So Hands of Time has experienced a little bit of what its like to be vulnerable and human, even if he is not.

Show 2: Manly Man hides Sambo
Manly Man was all excited to be with his newly aquired servant, Sambo Jackson, and couldn't wait to get his pants off. Of course, Manly Man was all set to discover whether it was true, what they say about black guys. He had Sambo take his pants down, and the Man Princess, in his Safari version, squealed for joy at what he saw. Black guys really are bigger! Manly Man was all set to do some really sadistic gay stuff with Sambo, when he heard Steve Spurrier coming. Manly Man hid Sambo because he knew that Spurrier wouldn't like him seeing Sambo. Spurrier came in, with his aggression pill-created erection, begging Manly Man for relief yet again. Manly Man tried to run him off, promising a better time later on tonight. He finally got Spurrier to leave. Sambo came back out, and Manly Man told him he wanted him to get naked and pretend to work in the field while he watched.
to be continued...

The Classic Pitt Report updates on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays
All characters, stories, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 128

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 15, 2009


Trevor Goes "Doodie Pickin!"

Show 1: Recruiting Rufus
Red Doom and Pizazz attempted to recruit Rufus the retard into their army against Hands of Time. Their attempts failed when Johnny Pizazz talked about being magic and using his wand on things. Rufus took it the wrong way and got upset. He said they were just trying to use him like Mr. Clementine, The Manly Man, and Steve Spurrier. Rufus said he happened to like the Hands of Time and didn't want to fight him. Doom and Pizazz finally gave up.

Show 2: Doodie Pickin
Grandma Hydrick had Wilbur and Trevor in the bathroom during this show. Wilbur, the trucker, was on all fours with his pants down, and Trevor was standing next to him. Grandma Hydrick was forcing Trevor to literally "pick the doodie" out of Wilbur's butt. Wilbur claimed to have been "backed up" once again, only this time it was hard and wouldn't come out. Grandma Hydrick felt that Trevor's help was necessary to resolve the matter, and she demanded that she get to watch for some sick reason. Trevor was aruguing back and forth with Grandma Hydrick, not wanting to stick his finger up Wilbur's butt. He finally got off the hook as Red Doom arrived at their door, trying to recruit them in the war against Hands of Time. Trevor was all ready to sign up, and called Doom his best friend. Grandma Hydrick wasn't so sure until she heard that the fate of the combined Shit and Ink Pitts were at stake. She was ready to send her boys off, provided they were home every night for dinner. Doom told them where to meet Pizazz and himself next week, and left. So Grandma made Trevor go through with the task of relieving Wilbur of his Doodie dilemma!

The Classic Pitt Report updates on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays
All characters, stories, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 127

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 14, 2009


Rufus witnessed the infamous
"rear-ending"of 2009!


Show 1: Easter Rear-Ending
Rufus came out today crying and then described in graphic detail, what happened with the Easter Bunny this weekend. The Easter bunny came to Rufus’ house, crashing through his window and pooping on his bed before running back off into the night. Rufus was scared, but curious, and decided to follow the Easter bunny. He found the Easter bunny at an old abandoned house. Rufus peeped inside to see what he was up to, and he saw a naked Lenny Leprechaun on the floor, getting rear ended by the rabbit! Rufus then turned to run when he saw the Easter bunny’s face. He said it was scary. Rufus told all this to Sambo Jackson, and Manly Man Safari, who showed up later. Manly Man Safari said that he got what he deserved for believing in Easter and not Gay Easter. Manly Man said that on Gay Easter, Richard Simmons brings all the good gays lots of pink frilly feathery things! Manly Man tried again to get Rufus to go gay, but to no avail. His attempts had a better effect on subservient Sambo, who agreed to go off with the Manly Man, calling him his new “massah.” Manly Man got all excited, thinking of course, that black guys are well-endowed.

Show 2: Doom and Pizazz begin forming their army
The second show started with Johnny Pizazz saying that he and Doom had started assembling their army, after Hands of Time told them last week to bring everyone they had to fight him. Pizazz introduced Just A Solider as the first “solider” in their army. Just A Solider said he was going to beat hands of time, swinging a stick around like a bayonet and declaring victory for the United States. He did this only after 2 minutes of talking to himself and seeing bats only he could see. Next, Doom introduced the Ink Avenger as the second member of the army. When asked what he would to do to the Hands of Time, the Ink Avenger went all nuts (still on the ‘roids) and grabbed Just A Solider’s stick, breaking it in half over his leg! He then snorted and talked about how Superman was his god and told him how to claim victory of evil. Ink Avenger said he would find Hands of Time in his hidden pocket of time and crush him. Suddenly, Doom got a vision and said that Hands of Time would not fall at their hands, but at the hands of “the one who sees beyond sight.” They still all vowed to fight Hands of Time despite this prophecy and set out to continue recruiting more to their cause to prevent the “May Move.”

The Classic Pitt Report updates Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Friday, May 27, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 126

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 11, 2009



Good Gay Friday
Rufus located his old friend and last member of the Strange Squad, Sambo Jackson. Rufus told Sambo about his whole good/bad thing and deemed Sambo as good, even though he was a little disappointed that they weren't playmates anymore. Rufus then put that aside to talk about Easter and how it was about the Easter Bunny and Jesus. He said it was good Friday and went on about was about to talk about what Good Friday meant but was interrupted by Manly Man Safari. Manly Man Safari said that he didn't accept the Good Friday that Christians did, but despite that, he still celebrated on this day. He said all the gays the world over celebrate Good Gay Friday. On Good Gay Friday, the gay lord and savior, Richard Simmons, finally reached a turning point in his previously heterosexual life. Richard realized he was overweight and needed liposuction. On Saturday, Richard went in and got lipoSUCKtion from his doctor, and was never the same. He left behind his old life as a hetrosexual male and on the third day rose (in more ways that one) again as a hairy-chested short shorts wearing exercising guru, whose gayness is evident! Manly Man left after Rufus said once again that he was bad. Manly Man took an interest in Sambo, and Sambo seemed to like him too. to be continued...

The Classic Pitt Report updates Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 125

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 9, 2009


Optic Ink Eye and She-Peepers: Good or Bad?

Show 1: Easter Bunny Spurrier
In another attempt to get Rufus to fight the Ink Avenger, Steve Spurrier dressed up like the Easter Bunny! Spurrier wore his trademark visor hat but and put on bunny ears around it, mistakenly thinking it would be enough to fool Rufus. At first, Rufus thought Spurrier really was the Easter Bunny, and got very excited about the prospect of getting all kind of special chocolates for Easter. Then Rufus began to smell (as he did a few days ago with Grandma Hydrick and the Manly Man Safari) and knew something wasn't right. He realized it was Spurrier and got all mad. Spurrier walked off, still vowing that he'd get Rufus to fight Ink Avenger.

Show 2: Optic Ink Eye/She Peepers: Good or Bad?
Later, Rufus found Optic Ink Eye and She Peepers in the woods. Amazingly, they weren't having freaky stalker/alien sex, as they usually are. Rufus came up and told them about trying to find out who was good and who was bad. He went on about all the bad people he's met so far. He then proceeded to deem Ink Eye and She Peepers as good...but not when they are together as a couple. Rufus said that Ink Eye and She-Peepers together as a couple was bad, bad, bad. He said that he and She-Peepers as a couple was good, making reference to the time when they were all teamed up as the Strange Squad and She-Peepers slept with everyone in the group. Rufus then left, leaving Ink Eye and She-Peepers to ponder what he'd said--or not.

The Classic Pitt Report updates Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 124

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 8, 2009


Johnny Pizazz and Red Doom are on the Run!


Show 1: Final Showdown with Hands of Time?
Johnny Pizazz and Doom appeared in the first show, trying to get Hands of Time to come out from wherever he hides. Doom and Pizazz are still on the run from Bates and Spurrier, after Hands of Time called the police about the two being male prostitutes. Doom said they had been driving in a car to get away, and had nothing to eat but vienna sausages and Spam. The lack of real food was making Doom's visions all screwy, and thinking about fat girls wasn't helping. Hands of Time finally appeared, high as a kite, as always. Pizazz and Doom demanded a final showdown with Hands of Time and they said that they would find a way to beat him and prevent the May Move this May. The impending "Pitts Apart" that will result from Hands of Time putting all the Shit Pitt in one place and all the Ink Pitt in the other has had Doom and Pizazz upset for some time. At first Hands of Time refused to fight them because he had better things to do. He finally agreed, and told them to bring everyone they could because there would be no way the could beat him. He then disappeared into thin air.


Show 2: Rufus Visits the Hydricks/Clues to the Identity of J-Diddy's Father
Grandma Hydrick was making the boys listen to her as usual, and made reference to preparing them to be the men they were always meant to be. Trevor was uptight because Grandma had just made him clean the bathroom after Wilbur came out. The Backed Up Trucker usually makes a big mess in the toilet after holding it in during those long drives from place to place. Billy G was all giddy and stupid like he usually is, and J-Diddy or Junior wanted to know who his real father is. Grandma Hydrick revealed that the reason she faked her death was because Grandpa Hydrick tried to kill her! Grandpa Hydrick was mad because Grandma had had sex with their son, birthing Trevor, Wilbur, and Billy G. Grandma said she had to do it to get heirs, and her son's wife was barren. But Grandpa Hydrick didn't like her cheating on him with their own son and threatened to do her bodily harm. So Grandma Hydrick faked her own death and went into hiding until the right time when she could re-emerge and raise her grandboys and boy (Junior) the right way. Junior (J-Diddy) now knows that Grandma Hydrick is actually his mother, but his father is still unknown. Grandma Hydrick made reference to who he was by dropping the clue that he "walks on the grass a lot, and reaches for things." No one could figure it out. Finally, the Hydricks got a visitor. It was Rufus. Rufus was still on his mission to find out who is good and who is bad. He saw Grandma Hydrick and said she didn't smell right, which offended the Hydrick boys. Rufus said she was bad and then left.

To Be Continued...

The Classic Pitt Report updates Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, May 16, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 123

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 7, 2009


Rufus talks about class and Spurrier taps some ass!


Show 1: Rufus talks about Special Class
Today Rufus talked about special class again, and how he is 25 years old and STILL in what's like elementary school to retards. (Wait isn't all school elementary to them?) Rufus said that he didn't like some of his classmates. They include Linda, Barry, Johnny, and Timothy. Rufus said Linda was fat and never paid attention. He said he doesn't like her because she is too fat and she smells. Barry is a tall kid, who is always literally looking down on his classmates. He looks down on them, but not in a normal way, since his neck is locked in place as he stares blankly into space. Rufus said Johnny is a jackass, and he's always taking Rufus' pencil and trying to eat it. He also wears fancier t-shirts than the other kids and brags about it. Finally Rufus doesn't like Timothy because he is gay AND retarded. After talking about that, Rufus concluded that he will fight Ink Avenger at some point in return for all the chocolate Steve Spurrier is offering him. He said that he hoped the Easter Bunny (Betram?) will bring him lots of chocolate bunnies!


Show 2: Spurrier and "Tap the Ass"/ Gay Easter
Steve Spurrier came in with Manly Man Safari once again with him. Spurrier said he'd made the Manly Man the official masseuse for the USC football team. Spurrier said that Manly Man, with his 5 versions, could get him off a whole lot better than his wife ever could. Since Manly Man was that good to him, Spurrier decided to let the rest of the team share in the benefits. As for the team, Spurrier got them all together in preparation for football season this coming fall, and got them to play a game to increase their "strenth." He made all the boys bend over on the football field and stick their butts up in the air. Spurrier said this was a game he and his ex girlfriend used to play, called "Tap the Ass." Spurrier then ran all the way past the boys, tapping each one's ass as he ran by with his hand. Spurrier said that this was a new requirement for being a USC football player so long as he's in charge. Every new player has to have his ass tapped by Spurrier before he is accepted. Finally, Spurrier got another erection from his agression pills, and ran off to visit the other versions of Manly Man. Manly Man Safari stayed behind however and talked about Gay Easter, and made reference to Gaymas, held in the Ink Pitt a couple of years back. He said Gays everywhere celebrated Gay Easter, and that they too had their own "Sunrise Service." This service, however consists of lots of gay men and women doing unspeakable things to each other. Manly Man said he was going to ask Spurrier if they could have a Gay Easter Sunrise Service in Williams Brice Stadium!!! Manly Man Safari then said that USC actually stands for United Suckers of C*M before leaving.

The Classic Pitt Report updates four days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, May 9, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 122

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 4, 2009


Is Red Doom good or bad?

Show 1: Doom Good or Doom Bad?
Red Doom was Rufus' guest today, in another pointless attempt to find a person who is one of the good guys. Red Doom went on about fat ladies as he always does, after telling Rufus that sometimes he was good and sometimes he was bad. Doom's thoughts on Belinda the BBW and Salvation Army Bellringer (what does she do the rest of the year?) led him to start making predictions. He predicted that in a few moments, Rufus would encounter someone from his past. And as predicted, out came the Manly Man Safari, straight from Rufus' past. The two had not crossed paths since the last days of their "relationship" which included such events as "Gaymas" and a botched Same Sex Ceremony between the two. Manly Man Safari came out with Steve Spurrier who was still trying to bribe Rufus with chocolate to fight the Ink Avenger. Spurrier said he had a car full of chocolate if Rufus would just come with him. Spurrier was too excited from his agression pills and had yet another erection. So he went off to find the Manly Man's other 4 versions to "help" him. Manly Man started hitting on Rufus, trying to get him to get back with him. Rufus said something wasnt' right because Manly Man smelled different. Manly Man said it was just "Monkey dookie," his new safari version cologne. Rufus once again told Manly Man that he was not gay and started throwing stuff around. Manly Man went off to find Spurrier, leaving Rufus alone.


Show 2: What Lenny Did to Betram's Face
Betram the Bisexual Bunny made an appearance today, for the first time in quite a while. His face was covered by bandages, with only his ears visible. He filled in the missing facts concerning Lenny's statement about doing something awful to Betram. He said Lenny was pissed because Vinnie Love and Rufus had given him a hard time about having relations with Betram. So he went back to the Hidey Hole and threw hot boiling water in Betram's face, scarring him horribly. However, Betram said things were looking up, as Doctor Dyson is giving him a facelift in time for Easter!


The Classic Pitt Report updates four days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, May 2, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 121

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 2, 2009


Spurrier Good or Spurrier Bad?

Show 1: Spurrier Bad
Rufus was all sad yet again today, because thus far, he has found no one who could be considered a "good guy." He thought (yeah he did) about Steve Spurrier for a few minutes, but really decided right up front that the "Best Coach Ever" was not a good guy at all. Mr. Spurrier is known for taking his players down to a farm and letting them have relations with animals. He also is infamous for lining up cheerleaders on their football field and letting the players have their way with each one down the line. More recently, in an effort to get revenge on the steroid-filled Ink Avenger (Ink Avenger beat Spurrier really bad, dropping pallets on him and leaving him for dead a few months ago), Spurrier has starting taking some sort of doctor-prescribed "agression pills," which make him stronger and faster and very very hyper. It also gives him a hard-on! So Spurrier came in started hitting Rufus on the shoulder, talking about how he was ready for anything. He realized Rufus was strong, and tried to get him to help fight the Ink Avenger. Rufus refused, but Spurrier offered chocolate to him (Rufus' favorite food). Spurrier ruined it by comparing Rufus to Forrest Gump. Rufus got mad and sent Spurrier away. Spurrier vowed to get Rufus enough chocolate to bribe him into fighting Ink Avenger as he bounced off.


Show 2: Manly Man Safari helps Steve Spurrier
The Manly Man returned today, the "Safari" aspect of his faggy five-person persona talking for all. Manly Man Safari talked about how great it was to be back. Out came the Hands of Time, who excited Manly Man. Hands of Time said Screenface was supposed to be there because he was angry Manly Man (who Screenface thought he'd killed) is still alive. Hands of Time said that Screenface was missing for some reason, but he'd found a suitable replacement. Out came Steve Spurrier again, with his Agression pill created erection. He bounced around and Manly Man got all excited. Of course they ended up going into an alley where the "Little Man Princess" with his other 4 versions, took care of Spurrier's problem. Ugh!


Disclaimer: The following is fictional. No retards were harmed in any way. The real Steve Spurrier did not do any of this, but I did, acting out an improvisational version of him. Ok, so I didn't really go into an alley and let the Manly Man do things...mainly because I play Manly Man too. Wow this legal stuff is getting crazy!


The Classic Pitt Report updates four days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Inkstains 75

Inkstains 75--Another Attempt


The Second Person tries yet again to stop Barney from printing the bag job,
only to be defeated once more!

Inkstains updates every Wednesday night!
Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 120


The 'Roided Ink Avenger--Good or Bad?

Show 1: Hero Worship
Rufus was still searching for the good guys today, as he brought out the Ink Avenger, the resident superhero of the Pitt. Rufus was a bit confused because Ink Avenger's recent actions of attacking and pulverizing just about everybody makes him look like a villan. Of course Rufus didn't understand that Ink Avenger is shooting up the 'roids and that's making him crazy. Ink Avenger asked why Rufus called him and Rufus said he didn't call him because he didn't have a phone. Rufus tried to get I.A. to tell him whether he's good or bad, but he broke off and started talking to "Superman" and "Wonderwoman" before flying off to another emergency (meaning Ink Avenger is probably going to beat someone up without out any regard to right or wrong). Rufus got all sad because he felt I.A. was no longer a hero. Rufus then vowed to become his own hero, as Super Rufus!


Show 2: Wilbur and Junior's Plans Thwarted
Show 2 started off with Wilbur and Junior (J-Diddy) Hydrick getting beat by Grandma Hydrick, who put a stop to their plans to hit the open road. She told the boys that they were all gonna stay there until she got the city out of them and showed them the straight and narrow. Trevor and Billy G laughed at both of them. Grandma Hydrick sent them to their rooms so she could go to bed (at 1 PM in the afternoon!!). She said she'd deal with them some more tomorrow.

The Classic Pitt Report updates four days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, April 18, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 119

Originally Posted on my first blog, on Monday March 31, 2009
(Reported from my actual show performances)


Officer Rick Bates vs Rufus!

Show 1: Rufus vs Bates
Rufus the retard continued his plans to fight everyone to determine whether they are good or evil. Today, Rufus challenged Officer Rick Bates, who as of late has been known for his crooked actions in "upholding" the law. Rufus got nervous before Bates came out, worried that one of his heroes was going to be tarnished. He would be right. However, Rufus started yammering about special school and how he met another special person there. She was a girl he liked and she took her panties off and Rufus found out what sex was about. After missing several times, Rufus finally found the hole. This talk was mostly off subject (but nothing is off subject to Rufus) but got a huge response from the crowd. Finally Bates came out and basically told poor Rufus that he really only worked for money and it really didn't matter whether something was right or wrong. Rufus pitched a fit and threw stuff at Bates. Bates reminded him that he was an officer and that if Rufus got too crazy he'd have to take him to jail. Rufus calmed down after that. Bates told Rufus that there was no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny, and no other magical things in the world and that he needed to live in reality. He then told Rufus that he had to pay him for all this motivational speaking. Rufus didn't understand, so Bates said he'd just come and get payment from his mommy in a few days. We all know what he meant by that.


Show 2: Wilbur's Restless Heart
In a risky move on the part of production, the second stringer brothers of the Hydrick family, Wilbur and J-Diddy (Junior) Hydrick were featured in this show alone. Wilbur was complaining about the recent return of the previously-thought deceased Grandma Hydrick. First she beat all four brothers with a board, then she made them drink her Cabbage Tobbacco Elixir to "get the city outta 'em!" Now Wilbur, a truck driver, talked with J-Diddy feeling a major need to get away from her strict rules. Wilbur said that Grandma Hydrick would never stand for him going off and getting him some more truck stop slut action if she knew about it. Wilbur said he didn't live by her rules and that he only went by the "Code of the Road." Another reason Wilbur was wanting to leave was because last night Grandma Hydrick acted all weird and made all four boys stand in a field with no pants. She then personally shaved all the pubic hair from their groeing area for some odd reason. Wilbur vowed to leave, and J-Diddy left with him by the end of the show.

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Friday, April 15, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 118

Originally Posted on my first blog, on Monday March 30, 2009
(Reported from my actual show performances)


Rufus the Retard & Johnny Pizzazz's first
appearances on this blog!


Show 1: Rufus vs Johnny Pizazz
Rufus came out and declared that he would battle magician, Johnny Pizazz today, in a effort to determine whether he is a good guy or bad guy. After howling in a retarded manner at the passing train, and then putting his head in a nearby bucket and screeching, Rufus decided he was ready to fight. Out came Johnny Pizazz, who really wasn't wanting to fight the Special Boy. Pizazz tried to use his microphone and announce his usual "Mage of the Age, Catalyst of Character, and Maestro of Magic catchphrase, but Rufus wasn't having any of it, as he grabbed the mic and hit Pizazz with it. Pizazz tried to stop Rufus' desire to fight by doing coin tricks. Rufus was too smart for that and figured out Pizazz was hiding the missing coin in his pocket with one trick, and in his hand for another. Rufus got made and deemed Pizazz a bad guy because he played mean tricks on him. Rufus threw the microphone at Pizazz and ran him off. Rufus then stood in his chair and went on about crazy stuff.

Show 2: Hands of Time Talks about a New Hire
Hands of Time came out for the second show of the day, dropping his trademark catchphrase of "I'm going to Charleston," in reference to the fact that he is experiencing a high from whatever "wacky weed" he's snorting. He went on about how hard it was being the Hands of Time, and having to help make events happen and how he needed some kind of relaxation. He then said that in May the two Pitts would be split again and the first pitt would be separated from the second one, and the characters would have to go to their respective places. To help with the split pitts, Hands of Time said he found another person like himself to run one of them. No real details were dropped on who that will be however. To be continued... Disclaimer: The above events are fictional, and are acted out by myself using my improvisational characters. No retarded people were harmed or were even present during the show, and no one was using illegal or legal drugs. Thank you.

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 117--Pitt Blog Series

Originally posted on my first blog, on March 28, 2009

Ok, from here on out, I will be doing daily blogs reporting what happens in my improvisational shows I do at work, involving characters from my Ink and Shit Pitt universes. Maybe I can also post video and photos of what happened to hopefully entertain people beyond the actual show. I am calling it the Pitt Blog Series.
(This blog would never be called the Pitt "Blog Series" after this, as I decide "Report" made better sense, and immediately started using the term in the next posting.)

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Inkstains 74

Inkstains 74: Kelly Senses Victory


Kelly has been pulling t-shirts from the press that are misprinted in the hopes that Mr. Roland will get mad at Josh. Her efforts are about to pay off, as Roland arrives!

The new season of Inkstains updates every Wednesday night!
Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 116--Trevor Hydrick, brother of Billy G, on his brother's bitter betrayl

Originally posted on my first blog, on May 16, 2009

Shortly after arriving in the Shit Pitt, the redneck brothers, Billy G, Wilbur, and Trevor, along with their newly-discovered brother, J-"Junior" Diddy Hydrick, would discover that their dead grandmother's body was no longer in the grave! How this discovery was possible (they were in a new universe and the old Ink Pitt from which they originated was no more)is still uncertain. However, the rednecks somehow knew that Grandma Hydrick was no longer in the grave, and concluded that she had been dug up. After a lot of accusations, Trevor Hydrick decided Billy G. was the culprit!



"Well here ah am, Trevor Hydrick, eldest of the Hydrick brothers, typin' this here blog on the computer. Feelin' a little bit queer sittin' here riting 'bout mah feelin's, but ah guess it's ok since nobody gives a damn 'bout reeding this crap anyway! Well, anyway, I outsmarted mah brother, Billy G, the other day, finally gettin' him to admit that he wuz the one dug Grandma Hydrick up out the cold ground and took her body. We been searching for her body an who dunnit for munths. He finally admitted it by being nice to Rufus, the retard who I wuz intearigatin' the other day. Only a gilty old cuss would stop sumbodee from intearigatin' a retard like Rufus. Rufus is a good kid, but sumtimes ya gotta be a little meen to his "kind." Brybed him with chocolate. New Billy G would go soft and admit he done dug grandma up. Still don no where the bodee is though. Gotta beat it out of him I guess. Tortering him by locking him in the bathroom with Wilbur (our truck driving brother, who is often backed up) while he was takin' a crap sure didnt get him to talk. Our rappin' brother Junior wasn't sucksessfull either, even after makin' Billy G listen to that crap rap music. No we gotta do sumthing relly bad to get Billy G. to tell us wear that bodee is. Gunna do it tomorrow."

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, April 11, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 115--Lenny's Trouble with Vinnie

Originally posted on March 16, 2009

By this time, Lenny the Leprechaun and Betram Bunny had been living together for months in their original Hidey Hole in the Shit Pitt. As the posting mentions, Betram kicked Lenny out. This was due to the leprechaun's abusive nature and the fact that, in fit of rage, he ripped Betram's ears off! This sparked Betram to look for the facial reconstruction he eventually got from Doctor Dyson, which of course, led to him being even more disfigured! Once more on his own, Lenny ran into Vinnie Love, who made comment about the leprechaun and bunny rabbit possibly being gay!



"Well here I am, Lenny the Leprechaun, sitting around on the eve of me very own holiday, St. Patty's Day, feelin' sorry for meself. I'm feelin' down on me luck because Betram threw me out of the Hidey Hole, where I lived rent free for half a year! Feelin' extra bad because I cannae be me normal pissed off self since someone gave me nice things today for St. Patty's. Usually, I'm quick to work up me anger and it usually doesn't take much for me Leprechaun wrath to be released on some unfortunate individual. So part o' me wants to thank that hippie, Vinnie Luve, for givin' me a new hat and a pot o'gold. Yet, the other part of me soul wants to leap over his head, pull off his bleedin' glasses, stand on his shoulders, and piss right into his eyes!! It did make me a wee bit angry that he gave me fools gold coins in the pot. I took a bite of one to see if it was real, and I found out it was plastic gold covering chocolate!! This "Leader of Luve" as Vinnie calls himself has rally proven himself to be worthy opponent. He tries to diffuse me anger with prettie gifts, but Lenny hasnae forgot what Vinnie Luve said about me relationship with Betram Bunny!"


The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog! All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 114--Fate of Mr. Peepers

Originally posted on my first blog, on March 15, 2009

It had been one year since I'd posted to the blog, and a lot had changed. New characters had appeared in this new "Shit" Pitt, to join Lenny the Leprechaun and Betram Bunny. A few months prior to the return of Trodemus: Prophet of Doom as the newly christened, "Red Doom," Lenny and Betram had been finding the clothing of different Ink Pitt characters in the Shit Pitt! Trodemus had somehow caused this and would eventually manipulate Betram Bunny and cause him to "pass" the Prophet of Doom through a portal in his butt...similar to the portal that had "birthed" Shithead, the Demon of Defecation! Now in the Shit Pitt, Red Doom told of the Whitespace, another dimension that had saved the lives of the people in the Ink Pitt from the CRUNCH! Red Doom and Johnny Pizzazz would eventually bring all of the Ink Pitt into the Shit Pitt, with one exception--Mr. Peepers--who supposedly died when the Whitespace folded in on itself! However, that was not the case, as Peepers proved with this blog posting before his return later.


The new Godlike Mr. Peepers!


"Who watches the Watchmen? Better yet, who watches Mr. Peepers? No one, perhaps, or maybe everyone. Peepers is beyond this now. Peepers' time in Whitespace has made him...different. And though his friends and enemies celebrate his funeral of sorts this week, Peepers will soon let them know he is not dead, only displaced. Peepers absorbed the energies of the Whitespace and now he guess he could be likened to a GOD. He has ability to cross time and space and is omniscient. Nothing can escape his all-seeing sight hehe!! He sees Hands of Time as he try to aggravate Peepers' friends with his drug induced "time slips." Peepers see Red Doom all upset about things he predict not coming true because Hands of Time screw things up. Peepers say Hands of Time's time is short, and that when Peepers makes his return, this will change! Peepers see you....ALL of you!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Friday, April 8, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 113--No Green in Subway!

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 23, 2008
Lenny continues his angry rantings...

"So today, I got a wee bit hungry for something oter than cabbage and corned beef (me usual meal...daily...Leprechauns only eat once a day, the rest of the time, we drink beer to fill the empty places), so I decided to go down to Subway. Once there, I found out they had nothing green! No lettuce, no pickles, not even any damn banana peepers (which are actually more yellow than green). I yelled at the top of ME LUNGS at the poor bastard that dare call himself "sandwich artist," but he just looked at me like he didn't care. Pathetic bastard...I was gonna make him care..a LOT! I then prepared to unleash waves of green hell all over the greenless subshop as I ran towards the giant cardboard cutout of Jared, the "I lost my fat lard of a body by eating 300 lbs of sub sandwich bread"--the liar--and attacked it! I proceeded to take bites out of the carboard, and didn't stop until I had eaten the entire cardboard cutout! I then jumped over the counter and got behind the plastic shield where the food is, and pulled down me green pants! I pulled out my big weiner and peesed (pissed) all over the bread, vegetables, sauces, and in the girl server's face! Satisfied, I zipped up me pants and went to Bojangles, who didn't have any green food either....."

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 112--Boss' B-Day Bash

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 21, 2008
Lenny the Leprechaun continues his postings

"Still no luck (yeah kinda strange for an Irishman, huh?) finding the sorry basterd who took me pot o' gold, but when I do....saints have mercy I'm going to give him or her a lot o'pain!! Today at work (I work for a screenprinting shop in the Little People's Division on an extra small printing press) we celebrated the boss' birthday. Well, all the other employees celebrated, I just ran aroun' and raised green hell all over the place! I sat in the boss' birthday cake without his knowledge, then I watched as he and everyone else ate the now arsed-up cake!! I nearly laughed me little green hat off! I then ran into the boss' office, hid under his desk, and pissed all up under it! It smelled really nasty, and the boss had to call someone to fumigate it!! I then took a dump in the little green man's room, and placed some of my feces in a bucket. I then placed it over the boss' doorway and when he opened the door, it all fell onto his head heheh!!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Inkstains 73

Inkstains 73: Another Fine Print


Barney prints a test shirt in his ongoing, drunken attempt to show the Second Person how to print bags! To see the episodes prior to this one, visit http://awerty7.deviantart.com/gallery/

The new season of Inkstains begins here and updates every Wednesday night! Inkstains characters, stories, and art are (C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 111--Stolen Pot O'Gold

"So today, I took meself a break and rested up, taking wee naps all day long. I was tired, since I gave the repairman a good Irish beating after he told me someone had stolen me pot o' gold from him! So now, I'm all rested and prepared to find whoever stole me pot o' gold and bite him in the noots or vagina if it's a woman (hehe)!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, April 4, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 110--Noot Stomping


Lenny is getting "peesed" off!

"I still do not have me pot o' gold back! The repairman tricked me and gave me a fake one! I'm going to go down there, trip him up, and stomp him in the noots with me little green booties!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Classic Inkstains 24

Classic Inkstains 24: Kelly's Globetrotting
Kelly lets Josh know she's been lots of places, but that his "area" looks like virgin terrain to her! Where else has Kelly been and what has she done? All questions to be answered at a later date.

Find out what happens next in the mini comic, Inkstains #1, available for purchase at http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150586498163

Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
Inkstains now updates every Wednesday

All-new episodes return this Wednesday 4.6.11!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 109--Pot O'Gold Predictions

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 14, 2008


Lenny needs his Pot O' Gold back!

"So hopefully tomorrow, I will have me Pot O'Gold back! I broke it last week, when I got a wee bit excited and punched a whole in the side with me big green weiner! hehe It's been in the pot of gold repair shop since then. I predict I will have it back tomorrow...with all its gold intact! If I don't, I will jump on the repairman's head, and put me crotch into his ear...and hump his brains out!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Friday, April 1, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 108--Red Haired Lasses

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 13, 2008. It had been a year since the last post. In that time, the original Ink Pitt grew to accomodate many new characters before finally being destroyed by the infamous CRUNCH. Here we began again, in a new universe, known as the Shit Pitt!


The first appearance of Lenny the Leprechaun on this blog!

Welcome to me first post here! I am Lenny Leprechaun, 4'3" 120 lbs of Green Irish Fury. I am single and looking for a red-haired lass who likes dating wee green men such as meself. Do not call me a midget or little person..it makes me very angry. I get so mad I will run up to you and bite yuir newwts off!!

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 107--Return of Peepers/Hooters

Originally posted on my first blog, on September 3, 2007


Peepers want touch Hooters Girl's
boobies, but she not allow!

"So, Mr. Peepers been away awhile from this blog. But now, Peepers back! He has been out exploring the many naturally occuring wonders of the female persuasion! He returns with new insight after visiting Hooters countless times! Peepers feel he now know women better since at Hooters, it is acceptable and expected for men to stare at hot barely-dressed ladies! Peepers feel great about it...just wish girl not try to sell him so much Hooters merchandise!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Classic Inkstains 23

Classic Inkstains #23--Second Person Assists Barney
The Second Person tries to stop Barnery from printing the table!

Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
Inkstains now updates every Sunday and Wednesday


All-new episodes return Wednesday 4.6.11!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 106--Mr. Clementine's Stories: Terry's Not So Deep Throat

Originally posted on my first blog, on September 3, 2007


Mr. Clementine's first post!
"Hello children, today Mr. Clementine is going to tell his labor day story! So sit back and sip your Hi-C and eat your fruit cups! There was this guy on the Jerry Lewis MDA labor day telethon that had a girly voice. We'll call him Terry. Terry hated his girly voice, and it made it worse that he had to be an announcer for the telethon each year. Can you say "announcer," children? Well to make things better, Terry tried to get more baritone in his voice by doing throat exercises. He'd do swallowing repetitions in an attempt to deepen his voice (don't try at home kids) working his throat like a body builder works his muscles. He then tried blowing up rather large blow up toys, including blow up sex dolls, to strenghten his vocal chords. He ate hundreds of Ricola mints and tried to breathe cold air. Then one day, Terry met a lady who had a similar problem. The lady had a deep voice like a man's. They fell in love and forgot about their troubles, until Terry found out the lady was a man. It happened when the "lady" told Terry that he could deepen his voice by giving "her" a little deep throat....ughhh. Can you say "deep throat," children?"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, March 28, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 105--Extreme Redneck Makeover

Originally posted on my first blog, on July 30, 2007


Chief Blacktoes first appeared in Summer 2005, holding the first-ever summer camp in the Ink Pitt! The Emo Indian taught the members of the Ink Pitt the ways of Native Americans--when he wasn't crying about his ex-wife leaving him!
Hey Ya'll this here's Billy G. Hydrick, yore average American redneck! Well lemme tell ya'll what ah did last week! Ah held the first-ever Extreme Redneck Makeover! Ah know this Injun...ah mean Indian feller named Chief Blacktoes. He's been having trouble finding women to date him since his wife, Sunny Big Breasts, left him for a scandalous life as a stripper at da Huge Rack Club! Some fellers and I actually saw her act...and WOOWEE it shore is hot!! But anyway, ah agreed ta help Blacktoes get some women by making him over as a redneck! So on Day One, ah sent him to Disney World! Why? Ah dunno...it's what they do on that Extreme Home Makeover show so ah thought it was a good idea. So while ah was in South Carolina, hanging out at Blacktoes' TeePee, he was down in Orlando meeting up with that overgrown mouse! Man them Crackers down in Floridia sure are weird...Giant Mice haha!! Well I had some other fellers there with me who wanted to learn to be rednecks, so first I taught them some redneck ettiquitt! Here's some expressions ta use at the dinner table when yore wife is giving ya a hard time:
WOMAN, GIMMIE MAH BEER! PASS THE DAMN TATERS!
GET YORE WHITE TRASH BUTT OVER HERE AND POUR ME SOME MORE TEA!
And here's some stuff to tell her in the bedroom:
TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN CLOTHES AND GET NEKKID!
DANG RIGHT I'M BRINGIN' MY SNUFF TO BED!
YOU SHORE IS GETTIN' FAT...YOUR BOOBS ARE STARTIN' TO SAG
TURN OFF THE LIGHT...AH CAN'T DO IT WHILE LOOKIN' AT YOU
WANNA DO IT IN MAH DEER STAND?
After that, ah let dem fellers see what redneck teeth look like..after not brushing mah teeth for a month! Finally, ah gave em a shore fire way to pick up hot women! Ah pulled out my white trash baby (which ah found in the garbage can earlier that morning...city folks throw away everythin!) and showed her around!

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Classic Inkstains 22

Classic Inkstains #22--Kelly's Thai Heritage
Kelly reveals her Thai heritage and lets Josh know that she is a "sexy Thai lady!" This episode marks the beginning of Kelly's flirtations with my character.

Inkstains characters, stories, and art (C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
Inkstains now updates every Sunday and Wednesday

All-new episodes return Wednesday 4.6.11!