Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Inkstains 75

Inkstains 75--Another Attempt


The Second Person tries yet again to stop Barney from printing the bag job,
only to be defeated once more!

Inkstains updates every Wednesday night!
Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 120


The 'Roided Ink Avenger--Good or Bad?

Show 1: Hero Worship
Rufus was still searching for the good guys today, as he brought out the Ink Avenger, the resident superhero of the Pitt. Rufus was a bit confused because Ink Avenger's recent actions of attacking and pulverizing just about everybody makes him look like a villan. Of course Rufus didn't understand that Ink Avenger is shooting up the 'roids and that's making him crazy. Ink Avenger asked why Rufus called him and Rufus said he didn't call him because he didn't have a phone. Rufus tried to get I.A. to tell him whether he's good or bad, but he broke off and started talking to "Superman" and "Wonderwoman" before flying off to another emergency (meaning Ink Avenger is probably going to beat someone up without out any regard to right or wrong). Rufus got all sad because he felt I.A. was no longer a hero. Rufus then vowed to become his own hero, as Super Rufus!


Show 2: Wilbur and Junior's Plans Thwarted
Show 2 started off with Wilbur and Junior (J-Diddy) Hydrick getting beat by Grandma Hydrick, who put a stop to their plans to hit the open road. She told the boys that they were all gonna stay there until she got the city out of them and showed them the straight and narrow. Trevor and Billy G laughed at both of them. Grandma Hydrick sent them to their rooms so she could go to bed (at 1 PM in the afternoon!!). She said she'd deal with them some more tomorrow.

The Classic Pitt Report updates four days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, April 18, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 119

Originally Posted on my first blog, on Monday March 31, 2009
(Reported from my actual show performances)


Officer Rick Bates vs Rufus!

Show 1: Rufus vs Bates
Rufus the retard continued his plans to fight everyone to determine whether they are good or evil. Today, Rufus challenged Officer Rick Bates, who as of late has been known for his crooked actions in "upholding" the law. Rufus got nervous before Bates came out, worried that one of his heroes was going to be tarnished. He would be right. However, Rufus started yammering about special school and how he met another special person there. She was a girl he liked and she took her panties off and Rufus found out what sex was about. After missing several times, Rufus finally found the hole. This talk was mostly off subject (but nothing is off subject to Rufus) but got a huge response from the crowd. Finally Bates came out and basically told poor Rufus that he really only worked for money and it really didn't matter whether something was right or wrong. Rufus pitched a fit and threw stuff at Bates. Bates reminded him that he was an officer and that if Rufus got too crazy he'd have to take him to jail. Rufus calmed down after that. Bates told Rufus that there was no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny, and no other magical things in the world and that he needed to live in reality. He then told Rufus that he had to pay him for all this motivational speaking. Rufus didn't understand, so Bates said he'd just come and get payment from his mommy in a few days. We all know what he meant by that.


Show 2: Wilbur's Restless Heart
In a risky move on the part of production, the second stringer brothers of the Hydrick family, Wilbur and J-Diddy (Junior) Hydrick were featured in this show alone. Wilbur was complaining about the recent return of the previously-thought deceased Grandma Hydrick. First she beat all four brothers with a board, then she made them drink her Cabbage Tobbacco Elixir to "get the city outta 'em!" Now Wilbur, a truck driver, talked with J-Diddy feeling a major need to get away from her strict rules. Wilbur said that Grandma Hydrick would never stand for him going off and getting him some more truck stop slut action if she knew about it. Wilbur said he didn't live by her rules and that he only went by the "Code of the Road." Another reason Wilbur was wanting to leave was because last night Grandma Hydrick acted all weird and made all four boys stand in a field with no pants. She then personally shaved all the pubic hair from their groeing area for some odd reason. Wilbur vowed to leave, and J-Diddy left with him by the end of the show.

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Friday, April 15, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 118

Originally Posted on my first blog, on Monday March 30, 2009
(Reported from my actual show performances)


Rufus the Retard & Johnny Pizzazz's first
appearances on this blog!


Show 1: Rufus vs Johnny Pizazz
Rufus came out and declared that he would battle magician, Johnny Pizazz today, in a effort to determine whether he is a good guy or bad guy. After howling in a retarded manner at the passing train, and then putting his head in a nearby bucket and screeching, Rufus decided he was ready to fight. Out came Johnny Pizazz, who really wasn't wanting to fight the Special Boy. Pizazz tried to use his microphone and announce his usual "Mage of the Age, Catalyst of Character, and Maestro of Magic catchphrase, but Rufus wasn't having any of it, as he grabbed the mic and hit Pizazz with it. Pizazz tried to stop Rufus' desire to fight by doing coin tricks. Rufus was too smart for that and figured out Pizazz was hiding the missing coin in his pocket with one trick, and in his hand for another. Rufus got made and deemed Pizazz a bad guy because he played mean tricks on him. Rufus threw the microphone at Pizazz and ran him off. Rufus then stood in his chair and went on about crazy stuff.

Show 2: Hands of Time Talks about a New Hire
Hands of Time came out for the second show of the day, dropping his trademark catchphrase of "I'm going to Charleston," in reference to the fact that he is experiencing a high from whatever "wacky weed" he's snorting. He went on about how hard it was being the Hands of Time, and having to help make events happen and how he needed some kind of relaxation. He then said that in May the two Pitts would be split again and the first pitt would be separated from the second one, and the characters would have to go to their respective places. To help with the split pitts, Hands of Time said he found another person like himself to run one of them. No real details were dropped on who that will be however. To be continued... Disclaimer: The above events are fictional, and are acted out by myself using my improvisational characters. No retarded people were harmed or were even present during the show, and no one was using illegal or legal drugs. Thank you.

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 117--Pitt Blog Series

Originally posted on my first blog, on March 28, 2009

Ok, from here on out, I will be doing daily blogs reporting what happens in my improvisational shows I do at work, involving characters from my Ink and Shit Pitt universes. Maybe I can also post video and photos of what happened to hopefully entertain people beyond the actual show. I am calling it the Pitt Blog Series.
(This blog would never be called the Pitt "Blog Series" after this, as I decide "Report" made better sense, and immediately started using the term in the next posting.)

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Inkstains 74

Inkstains 74: Kelly Senses Victory


Kelly has been pulling t-shirts from the press that are misprinted in the hopes that Mr. Roland will get mad at Josh. Her efforts are about to pay off, as Roland arrives!

The new season of Inkstains updates every Wednesday night!
Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 116--Trevor Hydrick, brother of Billy G, on his brother's bitter betrayl

Originally posted on my first blog, on May 16, 2009

Shortly after arriving in the Shit Pitt, the redneck brothers, Billy G, Wilbur, and Trevor, along with their newly-discovered brother, J-"Junior" Diddy Hydrick, would discover that their dead grandmother's body was no longer in the grave! How this discovery was possible (they were in a new universe and the old Ink Pitt from which they originated was no more)is still uncertain. However, the rednecks somehow knew that Grandma Hydrick was no longer in the grave, and concluded that she had been dug up. After a lot of accusations, Trevor Hydrick decided Billy G. was the culprit!



"Well here ah am, Trevor Hydrick, eldest of the Hydrick brothers, typin' this here blog on the computer. Feelin' a little bit queer sittin' here riting 'bout mah feelin's, but ah guess it's ok since nobody gives a damn 'bout reeding this crap anyway! Well, anyway, I outsmarted mah brother, Billy G, the other day, finally gettin' him to admit that he wuz the one dug Grandma Hydrick up out the cold ground and took her body. We been searching for her body an who dunnit for munths. He finally admitted it by being nice to Rufus, the retard who I wuz intearigatin' the other day. Only a gilty old cuss would stop sumbodee from intearigatin' a retard like Rufus. Rufus is a good kid, but sumtimes ya gotta be a little meen to his "kind." Brybed him with chocolate. New Billy G would go soft and admit he done dug grandma up. Still don no where the bodee is though. Gotta beat it out of him I guess. Tortering him by locking him in the bathroom with Wilbur (our truck driving brother, who is often backed up) while he was takin' a crap sure didnt get him to talk. Our rappin' brother Junior wasn't sucksessfull either, even after makin' Billy G listen to that crap rap music. No we gotta do sumthing relly bad to get Billy G. to tell us wear that bodee is. Gunna do it tomorrow."

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, April 11, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 115--Lenny's Trouble with Vinnie

Originally posted on March 16, 2009

By this time, Lenny the Leprechaun and Betram Bunny had been living together for months in their original Hidey Hole in the Shit Pitt. As the posting mentions, Betram kicked Lenny out. This was due to the leprechaun's abusive nature and the fact that, in fit of rage, he ripped Betram's ears off! This sparked Betram to look for the facial reconstruction he eventually got from Doctor Dyson, which of course, led to him being even more disfigured! Once more on his own, Lenny ran into Vinnie Love, who made comment about the leprechaun and bunny rabbit possibly being gay!



"Well here I am, Lenny the Leprechaun, sitting around on the eve of me very own holiday, St. Patty's Day, feelin' sorry for meself. I'm feelin' down on me luck because Betram threw me out of the Hidey Hole, where I lived rent free for half a year! Feelin' extra bad because I cannae be me normal pissed off self since someone gave me nice things today for St. Patty's. Usually, I'm quick to work up me anger and it usually doesn't take much for me Leprechaun wrath to be released on some unfortunate individual. So part o' me wants to thank that hippie, Vinnie Luve, for givin' me a new hat and a pot o'gold. Yet, the other part of me soul wants to leap over his head, pull off his bleedin' glasses, stand on his shoulders, and piss right into his eyes!! It did make me a wee bit angry that he gave me fools gold coins in the pot. I took a bite of one to see if it was real, and I found out it was plastic gold covering chocolate!! This "Leader of Luve" as Vinnie calls himself has rally proven himself to be worthy opponent. He tries to diffuse me anger with prettie gifts, but Lenny hasnae forgot what Vinnie Luve said about me relationship with Betram Bunny!"


The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog! All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 114--Fate of Mr. Peepers

Originally posted on my first blog, on March 15, 2009

It had been one year since I'd posted to the blog, and a lot had changed. New characters had appeared in this new "Shit" Pitt, to join Lenny the Leprechaun and Betram Bunny. A few months prior to the return of Trodemus: Prophet of Doom as the newly christened, "Red Doom," Lenny and Betram had been finding the clothing of different Ink Pitt characters in the Shit Pitt! Trodemus had somehow caused this and would eventually manipulate Betram Bunny and cause him to "pass" the Prophet of Doom through a portal in his butt...similar to the portal that had "birthed" Shithead, the Demon of Defecation! Now in the Shit Pitt, Red Doom told of the Whitespace, another dimension that had saved the lives of the people in the Ink Pitt from the CRUNCH! Red Doom and Johnny Pizzazz would eventually bring all of the Ink Pitt into the Shit Pitt, with one exception--Mr. Peepers--who supposedly died when the Whitespace folded in on itself! However, that was not the case, as Peepers proved with this blog posting before his return later.


The new Godlike Mr. Peepers!


"Who watches the Watchmen? Better yet, who watches Mr. Peepers? No one, perhaps, or maybe everyone. Peepers is beyond this now. Peepers' time in Whitespace has made him...different. And though his friends and enemies celebrate his funeral of sorts this week, Peepers will soon let them know he is not dead, only displaced. Peepers absorbed the energies of the Whitespace and now he guess he could be likened to a GOD. He has ability to cross time and space and is omniscient. Nothing can escape his all-seeing sight hehe!! He sees Hands of Time as he try to aggravate Peepers' friends with his drug induced "time slips." Peepers see Red Doom all upset about things he predict not coming true because Hands of Time screw things up. Peepers say Hands of Time's time is short, and that when Peepers makes his return, this will change! Peepers see you....ALL of you!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Friday, April 8, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 113--No Green in Subway!

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 23, 2008
Lenny continues his angry rantings...

"So today, I got a wee bit hungry for something oter than cabbage and corned beef (me usual meal...daily...Leprechauns only eat once a day, the rest of the time, we drink beer to fill the empty places), so I decided to go down to Subway. Once there, I found out they had nothing green! No lettuce, no pickles, not even any damn banana peepers (which are actually more yellow than green). I yelled at the top of ME LUNGS at the poor bastard that dare call himself "sandwich artist," but he just looked at me like he didn't care. Pathetic bastard...I was gonna make him care..a LOT! I then prepared to unleash waves of green hell all over the greenless subshop as I ran towards the giant cardboard cutout of Jared, the "I lost my fat lard of a body by eating 300 lbs of sub sandwich bread"--the liar--and attacked it! I proceeded to take bites out of the carboard, and didn't stop until I had eaten the entire cardboard cutout! I then jumped over the counter and got behind the plastic shield where the food is, and pulled down me green pants! I pulled out my big weiner and peesed (pissed) all over the bread, vegetables, sauces, and in the girl server's face! Satisfied, I zipped up me pants and went to Bojangles, who didn't have any green food either....."

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 112--Boss' B-Day Bash

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 21, 2008
Lenny the Leprechaun continues his postings

"Still no luck (yeah kinda strange for an Irishman, huh?) finding the sorry basterd who took me pot o' gold, but when I do....saints have mercy I'm going to give him or her a lot o'pain!! Today at work (I work for a screenprinting shop in the Little People's Division on an extra small printing press) we celebrated the boss' birthday. Well, all the other employees celebrated, I just ran aroun' and raised green hell all over the place! I sat in the boss' birthday cake without his knowledge, then I watched as he and everyone else ate the now arsed-up cake!! I nearly laughed me little green hat off! I then ran into the boss' office, hid under his desk, and pissed all up under it! It smelled really nasty, and the boss had to call someone to fumigate it!! I then took a dump in the little green man's room, and placed some of my feces in a bucket. I then placed it over the boss' doorway and when he opened the door, it all fell onto his head heheh!!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Inkstains 73

Inkstains 73: Another Fine Print


Barney prints a test shirt in his ongoing, drunken attempt to show the Second Person how to print bags! To see the episodes prior to this one, visit http://awerty7.deviantart.com/gallery/

The new season of Inkstains begins here and updates every Wednesday night! Inkstains characters, stories, and art are (C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 111--Stolen Pot O'Gold

"So today, I took meself a break and rested up, taking wee naps all day long. I was tired, since I gave the repairman a good Irish beating after he told me someone had stolen me pot o' gold from him! So now, I'm all rested and prepared to find whoever stole me pot o' gold and bite him in the noots or vagina if it's a woman (hehe)!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Monday, April 4, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 110--Noot Stomping


Lenny is getting "peesed" off!

"I still do not have me pot o' gold back! The repairman tricked me and gave me a fake one! I'm going to go down there, trip him up, and stomp him in the noots with me little green booties!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Classic Inkstains 24

Classic Inkstains 24: Kelly's Globetrotting
Kelly lets Josh know she's been lots of places, but that his "area" looks like virgin terrain to her! Where else has Kelly been and what has she done? All questions to be answered at a later date.

Find out what happens next in the mini comic, Inkstains #1, available for purchase at http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150586498163

Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
Inkstains now updates every Wednesday

All-new episodes return this Wednesday 4.6.11!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 109--Pot O'Gold Predictions

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 14, 2008


Lenny needs his Pot O' Gold back!

"So hopefully tomorrow, I will have me Pot O'Gold back! I broke it last week, when I got a wee bit excited and punched a whole in the side with me big green weiner! hehe It's been in the pot of gold repair shop since then. I predict I will have it back tomorrow...with all its gold intact! If I don't, I will jump on the repairman's head, and put me crotch into his ear...and hump his brains out!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Friday, April 1, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 108--Red Haired Lasses

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 13, 2008. It had been a year since the last post. In that time, the original Ink Pitt grew to accomodate many new characters before finally being destroyed by the infamous CRUNCH. Here we began again, in a new universe, known as the Shit Pitt!


The first appearance of Lenny the Leprechaun on this blog!

Welcome to me first post here! I am Lenny Leprechaun, 4'3" 120 lbs of Green Irish Fury. I am single and looking for a red-haired lass who likes dating wee green men such as meself. Do not call me a midget or little person..it makes me very angry. I get so mad I will run up to you and bite yuir newwts off!!

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson