Friday, April 8, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 113--No Green in Subway!

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 23, 2008
Lenny continues his angry rantings...

"So today, I got a wee bit hungry for something oter than cabbage and corned beef (me usual meal...daily...Leprechauns only eat once a day, the rest of the time, we drink beer to fill the empty places), so I decided to go down to Subway. Once there, I found out they had nothing green! No lettuce, no pickles, not even any damn banana peepers (which are actually more yellow than green). I yelled at the top of ME LUNGS at the poor bastard that dare call himself "sandwich artist," but he just looked at me like he didn't care. Pathetic bastard...I was gonna make him care..a LOT! I then prepared to unleash waves of green hell all over the greenless subshop as I ran towards the giant cardboard cutout of Jared, the "I lost my fat lard of a body by eating 300 lbs of sub sandwich bread"--the liar--and attacked it! I proceeded to take bites out of the carboard, and didn't stop until I had eaten the entire cardboard cutout! I then jumped over the counter and got behind the plastic shield where the food is, and pulled down me green pants! I pulled out my big weiner and peesed (pissed) all over the bread, vegetables, sauces, and in the girl server's face! Satisfied, I zipped up me pants and went to Bojangles, who didn't have any green food either....."

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

No comments: