Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Classic Pitt Report 124

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 8, 2009


Johnny Pizazz and Red Doom are on the Run!


Show 1: Final Showdown with Hands of Time?
Johnny Pizazz and Doom appeared in the first show, trying to get Hands of Time to come out from wherever he hides. Doom and Pizazz are still on the run from Bates and Spurrier, after Hands of Time called the police about the two being male prostitutes. Doom said they had been driving in a car to get away, and had nothing to eat but vienna sausages and Spam. The lack of real food was making Doom's visions all screwy, and thinking about fat girls wasn't helping. Hands of Time finally appeared, high as a kite, as always. Pizazz and Doom demanded a final showdown with Hands of Time and they said that they would find a way to beat him and prevent the May Move this May. The impending "Pitts Apart" that will result from Hands of Time putting all the Shit Pitt in one place and all the Ink Pitt in the other has had Doom and Pizazz upset for some time. At first Hands of Time refused to fight them because he had better things to do. He finally agreed, and told them to bring everyone they could because there would be no way the could beat him. He then disappeared into thin air.


Show 2: Rufus Visits the Hydricks/Clues to the Identity of J-Diddy's Father
Grandma Hydrick was making the boys listen to her as usual, and made reference to preparing them to be the men they were always meant to be. Trevor was uptight because Grandma had just made him clean the bathroom after Wilbur came out. The Backed Up Trucker usually makes a big mess in the toilet after holding it in during those long drives from place to place. Billy G was all giddy and stupid like he usually is, and J-Diddy or Junior wanted to know who his real father is. Grandma Hydrick revealed that the reason she faked her death was because Grandpa Hydrick tried to kill her! Grandpa Hydrick was mad because Grandma had had sex with their son, birthing Trevor, Wilbur, and Billy G. Grandma said she had to do it to get heirs, and her son's wife was barren. But Grandpa Hydrick didn't like her cheating on him with their own son and threatened to do her bodily harm. So Grandma Hydrick faked her own death and went into hiding until the right time when she could re-emerge and raise her grandboys and boy (Junior) the right way. Junior (J-Diddy) now knows that Grandma Hydrick is actually his mother, but his father is still unknown. Grandma Hydrick made reference to who he was by dropping the clue that he "walks on the grass a lot, and reaches for things." No one could figure it out. Finally, the Hydricks got a visitor. It was Rufus. Rufus was still on his mission to find out who is good and who is bad. He saw Grandma Hydrick and said she didn't smell right, which offended the Hydrick boys. Rufus said she was bad and then left.

To Be Continued...

The Classic Pitt Report updates Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.
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(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

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