Pitt Report 167--Preparing the Inauguration Speech

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Classic Pitt Report 166--Manly Man wins the Election

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 19, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 13 of 13:  Manly Man wins the Election

President Manly Man!

Billy G. announced the results of the election today, but said there really was no reason because they only had the votes for the Manly Man Gaymerica.  If anyone had voted for Screenface or King Trostelus, Gaymerica didn’t make a record of it.  Plus, King Trostelus and Screenface didn’t go out to greet the people,  so there would have been nothing else in support of them.  This would all be true if there really was a presidential race in the New Ink Pitt.  However, the fact was that this whole thing was all in the Manly Man Gaymerica’s mind.  There were no real constituents even though Gaymerica had visited people during the past week.  The New Ink Pitt community had not come together in agreement to create an office of presidency, or even a government.   Manly Man Gaymerica was a candidate in a fictitious race.  There had been no real votes, but  Gaymerica wrote down that there had been five supporters and had Billy G. announce him as the President of the New Ink Pitt!  He told Billy G. that they should go back to his place and have celebratory gay sex.  Billy G. refused, but then Gaymerica got him to agree to pose nude for him for cash.  King Trostelus and Screenface came by, denying the Manly Man Gaymerica’s new title.  The king said that he did not care about Gaymerica’s election because he was building his castle and an army and would eventually take over anyway.  He then threatened to cut Gaymerica’s weenie off!  Screenface said his ambitions were bigger.  He was going to not only take over the New Ink Pitt, he would eventually destroy it with some sort of super-villain weapon he would create.  They left and President Manly Man said he didn’t care about them.  He was off to compose his Inaugural speech!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 165--Wife Withholding

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 18, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 6 of 6: Wife Withholding

She-Peepers Abused by J-Diddy!

J-Diddy has been reunited with She-Peepers, who after several years being present in the Ink/Shit Pitts, was revealed to be J-Diddy’s wife.  It seems that J-Diddy was married to her back when she stalked Mr. Peepers.  J-Diddy forced his wife to stalk Mr. Peepers in an effort to get revenge on him for taking his spot in the original Ink Pitt.  However, She-Peepers fell in love with Mr. Peepers, and left J-Diddy, who was abusive and manipulative.  After the whole Mr. Peepers fiasco, She-Peepers went on to have relationships with Optic Ink Eye and Rufus the retard.  Now, once more with her husband, and held hostage inside his new apartment, She-Peepers has been facing his abusive wrath over her leaving him.  The beatings were interrupted today by Wilbur, Trevor, and Rufus.  J-Diddy answered the door, afraid that they had found him out, and would try to stop him from beating She-Peepers.  The Hydricks said they knew what was going on, but it wasn’t what J-Diddy expected.  Wilbur and Trevor said that it wasn’t right that J-Diddy had been hiding the fact that he had a wife.  They knew that he had been only recently reunited with his long lost brothers, and didn’t know their ways, so they understood.  However, Wilbur and Trevor said that he needed to learn real fast about the Hydrick family code.  Basically, the code stated that if one Hydrick had a wife, then all the brothers got a turn with her.  This got under J-Diddy’s skin, and he told them to leave.  Wilbur and Trevor were basically saying that he should give She-Peepers up to them at that moment so they could have sex with her!  Rufus realized that J-Diddy was beating She-Peepers, and said so, but the Hydricks didn’t listen.  Wilbur and Trevor were too into their backwoods redneck code and horniness to care.  J-Diddy refused them again.  Wilbur and Trevor then told him that because he said no to his brothers in this matter, that there would be some serious repercussions.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 164--Erec--Election Day/Picking up Pizzazz

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 17, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 11 of 12:  Preparation for Erec--Election Day

Manly Man Gaymeria announced that Friday is Erection--well actually Election Day for himself and his opponents.  He said that he was confident that he’d win because he was the only one who had actually gone out on the campaign trail to get votes.  He once again said he was going to take all the “votes” inside himself and take good care of them.  He said he was going to bring about way more change that Obama had ever seen, as the first-ever gay president!  Billy G. agreed with him, saying it was ok to be gay, even though he wasn’t.  Manly Man just laughed and said that Billy G. would come around.

Shit Pitt--Timeslide pt. 8 of 12:  Picking up Pizzazz

Optic Ink Eye and The Rosewood Cowboy found Johnny Pizzazz today, sitting in the same rotten, stinking alley he’s been in for the past six months.  The Cowboy told Ink Eye that it looked like it was going to be tough to get Pizzazz back to his old self, but he had the surefire cure.  He went over and started kicking Pizzazz, who told them to go get their own space in the alley to sleep in.  The Cowboy told Pizzazz to stop feeling sorry for himself and get up. The Cowboy recited some of Pizzazz’s catchphrase, using the expressions “catalyst of character” and “mage of the age” in order to get him excited again.  Pizzazz just acted indifferent and said he wanted to go to sleep.  Finally, the Cowboy had to stick his gun in Pizzazz’s face to get him up and motivated.  He forced Pizzazz to recite his catchphrase,  “I am the Mage of the Age, the Catalyst of Character, the Maestro of Magic.  I am JOHNNY PIZZAZZ!”  With that, it appeared that Johnny Pizzazz was once more himself again--well, short of a nice long shower--he hadn’t taken a bath in six months and smelled awful.!  The Cowboy had made progress but didn’t feel that Pizzazz was totally sincere, so he told him he was going to take him to Waffle House.  Optic Ink Eye got all excited at that.  Afterwards they would tell him more about how they needed his magic to battle Shithead.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 163--Gaymerica at J-Diddy's Apartment

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 16, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 10 of 12/Thug Wife pt. 5 of 6: Manly Man Campaigns to 
J-Diddy

J-Diddy gets his lead pipe!

Storylines crossed over today as the Manly Man and Billy G. went into an apartment building and knocked on a door randomly.  The door was opened by Billy G’s brother, J-Diddy, who was a bit surprised to see them.  Billy G. told his brother hello and asked what he was doing there.  The last time Billy G. had seen him, he headed off in a different direction in the city.  J-Diddy didn’t seem to want any company, and seemed preoccupied with something in the apartment.  He kept turning around to look over his shoulder.  J-Diddy then asked what Billy G. was doing running around with the Manly Man.  He asked if Billy G. had become a fag.  Billy G. said no, and then told J-Diddy that Manly Man was running for president and that he was his campaign manager.  J-Diddy got out a lead pipe and started swinging it around, telling them to go away.   Manly Man got all excited about the big black pipe, and told J-Diddy that he wished he’d use it on him, or rather, in him.  Manly Man then gave his little speech about wanting votes and how he was going to put them in himself and protect them.  J-Diddy had had enough and started yelling at them to leave.  Once they did, J-Diddy shut the door and revealed that he had been concerned about She-Peepers, who was in the apartment with him.  He turned towards her with the lead pipe, and she begged with him not to hurt her.   He said she’d been a bad wife and that now she was going to get it!  He swung the pipe and went to work on her.

Shit Pitt--Timeslide pt. 7 of 12:  Hands of Time & the Surge of Power

Hands of Time's Power Restored?

Hands of Time was still sitting around in an alley contemplating when he was approached by Carnastas the Clown, who once more wanted to eat him.  Hands of Time backed away, thinking himself helpless.  He snapped his fingers a few times, in an attempt to freeze Carnastas, and to his amazement, it worked!  Hands of Time felt that his power had returned, and that he could now go and return to the past and and get his head on straight again.  He was unable to time travel though.  It seems that his power has returned partially, but it is not enough to sense time or help time move.  He can only momentarily freeze things.  So, with this knowledge, Hands of Time got the hell out of there before Carnastas was once more free! Hands of Time saw yet another vision involving the RETINA as well today.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 162--Gaymerica at Psychic Parlor/Bingo Hall

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 15, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 9 of 12: Manly Man Campaigns at the Psychic Parlor of Doom/Bingo Hall of Blacktoes

Gaymerica at the door!

Manly Man was out on the campaign trail today, trying to drum up votes from the citizens of the New Ink Pitt.  The first stop was the Psychic Parlor/Bingo Hall where Black Doom and Chief Blacktoes now live together under a shaky alliance after the Psychic Parlor Property Rights Fiasco.  Manly Man got his campaign manager/secretary/assistant/eye candy, Billy G. Hydrick, to knock on the door.  Black Doom answered, and as soon as he saw the Manly Man standing behind Billy G, he shut the door without a word.  Then Chief Blacktoes came to the door, saying “HOW” or hello.  Blacktoes decided to listen, even though there may have been some animosity between himself and Billy G.  The last time their paths crossed, back in the old Ink Pitt, Billy G. had tried to give Blacktoes an “Extreme Redneck Makeover” in order to win back his woman, Sunny Big Breasts, which resulted in the destruction of his teepee!  Manly Man quickly went into his speech, offering Blacktoes his card.  Manly Man said that a vote for him was like putting ones’ weenie into a nice warm butt hole.  He was going to keep the weenie (referring to votes, but also, a real penis) safe, and take care of it.  He encouraged Blacktoes to “put his vote in him,” because by doing so, he would always “get more out than he put in!”  Black Doom showed up once more but refused to even converse with Manly Man.  It was pretty evident that he was disgusted with the Man Princess.  Manly Man thought because Blacktoes and Black Doom were living in the same house that they were now a same sex couple!  He went on about how great he thought it was that they had both come out of the closet!  Then, after some mudslinging towards his opponents, Screenface and King Trostelus, Manly Man and Billy G. went on their way, to campaign more places in the New Ink Pitt!

Shit Pitt--Timeslide pt. 6 of 12:  Handwritten Hands of Time

Hands of Time Writes!

Hands of Time sat alone today in an alley, writing in a diary.  He expressed his curiosity towards that fact that he had lost his powers and had now become human.  Because of his loss of time management, he now felt a need to put things into words and preserve them on paper.  This human desire had baffled him before since he was never concerned with the past before.  It had always been his duty to forever push forward, and never look back.  Hands of Time wrote down what was happening in the Shit Pitt, as the Rosewood Cowboy and Optic Ink Eye had left him there while they went off to find Johnny Pizazz and get him back on his feet and hopefully out of his depression.  Hands of Time expressed his fear that Steve Spurrier and Carnastas might come back and try to eat him.  Powerless as he is, there would not be much he could do about it.  He then thought about how this all came about.  How is it that he has lost his power, and how has he “timeslid” to December 31, 2009?  What force is capable of rendering him impotent?  Suddenly, Hands of Time got a vision, and word appeared etched across his mind.  It was “RETINA.”

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 161--Thug Wife & Husband

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 12, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 4 of 6: Thug Wife & Husband

J-Diddy is She-Peepers' Husband!

Wilbur and Trevor met up with She-Peepers in an alley today, determined to have a threesome.  She-Peepers complained about her new boyfriend, Rufus, not taking time for her, as he seems to stay in the shower at their apartment all the time!  The threesome was not to be however, as Rufus showed up and caught the Hydricks in the act!  The two brothers tried again to play it off as something other than dirty sex in an alley, but Rufus couldn’t be fooled.  He called the Hydricks and She-Peepers “bad, bad, bad!”  Rufus then got ready to force She-Peepers to come home with him.  Suddenly, J-Diddy, or Junior Hydrick, as he is known to his brothers, showed up!  He demanded that Wilbur and Trevor telling him what the hell was going on, and what they were doing with She-Peepers!  Wilbur and Trevor lied and said they were helping her because she had been attacked or some nonsense.  They knew that She-Peepers had been J-Diddy’s girlfriend and that he might be sore if they told him the truth.  Rufus spoke up and said they were trying to sleep with She-Peepers.  J-Diddy said that he hoped that that wasn’t what Wilbur and Trevor were doing with her because he had a secret to reveal.  She-Peepers is not only his ex-girlfriend and one-time instrument of revenge on Mr. Peepers--she is also his wife!!!  The news shocked those present.  J-Diddy then went to reclaim his wife, but She-Peepers ran off for fear of what he would do to her.  It seems that their abusive relationship will be rekindled, as the “Thug Wife” must deal with her harmful husband!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 160--New Boyfriend

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 11, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 3 of 6: New Boyfriend

Rufus the Retard!!!

Wilbur and Trevor showed up at She-Peepers’ apartment today, expecting to be involved in a threesome with her!  Wilbur had called her back after the initial phone conversation and she had given them her address.  She-Peepers said she was lonely, despite the fact that she had a new boyfriend.  Wilbur and Trevor came in, and realized it was She-Peepers, whom they had met briefly back in the Shit Pitt.  Even though they knew of her strange ways, that didn’t deter the two horny rednecks from wanting to bed her!  They also don’t know the details of J-Diddy’s history with her.  She-Peepers was getting hot and bothered, as Wilbur turned on the charm.  She laid on her bed and prepared to let the two Hydricks “fill all her holes.”  Suddenly, her boyfriend, who had once again been in the shower, came out to find out what was going on!  The two Hydricks were astonished to see who it was!  She-Peepers’ new boyfriend was none other  than Rufus the retard!  Rufus wanted to know what was going on, and the Hydricks tried to lie to him.  Rufus would not buy the lies though, and said that even though he was a retard, he wasn’t stupid!  He told Wilbur that he could see his erection pushing against his pants, and he knew that they were trying to sleep with his woman!  She-Peepers had evidently told Rufus that she was virgin (even though she had actually slept with Rufus AND ALL the other members of the Strange Squad--Sambo & Optic Ink Eye being the others--back when they were all together.  For some reason, Rufus didn’t remember this, even though She-Peepers tried to remind him at this point) and he was buying that.  Rufus then told the Hydricks to leave as he labeled them “bad, bad, bad!”  They finally left, and Rufus then said he had to go back and take a shower AGAIN!  He’s either feeling dirty being around She-Peepers, or he’s playing with himself in the bathroom a lot!

Shitt Pitt--Timeslide pt. 5 of 12:  Optic Ink Eye and the Rebellion

The alien Optic Ink Eye!

Things started with Hands of Time complaining about not being able to walk any further since his rescue from Carnastas the Clown and the demonic Steve Spurrier.  The Rosewood cowboy had made him walk rather than ride Snigger the horse with him.  They stopped and the cowboy said they were close to the rebellion camp.  They then saw Optic Ink Eye walking towards them.  One look at Hands of Time was all that it took to put Optic Ink Eye in a really bad mood!  He was still upset that Hands of Time had separated him from his lady love, She-Peepers, who is now in the New Ink Pitt.  Hands of Time pitched an incredible fit, which was perhaps one of his most insane ones to date.  According to the cowboy, Optic Ink Eye said he wanted to do some really awful things to Hands of Time for banishing his girlfriend.  The cowboy wouldn’t even translate it was so bad.  Had Hands of time still had access to his power, he might have understood the alien, but it just wasn’t happening today.  The cowboy settled Optic Ink Eye down and told Hands of Time some more about how Shithead had taken advantage of the lack of people in the Shit Pitt, and had become nearly all-powerful.   He had kidnapped several well-known people, including Steve Spurrier, who he has transformed into a demonic cannibal.  Spurrier, Carnastas, and four others are his generals of evil, forming the fully-realized Six Shades of Shit!  The cowboy said Hand of Time was either for them or against them.  He pointed a pistol at him, and Hands of Time readily agreed to be on the side of the rebellion!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 159--Phone Sex

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 10, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 2 of 6: Phone Sex

Wilbur got a cell phone today and called the number of J-Diddy’s ex-girlfriend with the intent to set a date with her.  The ex-girlfriend was  revealed to be none other than She-Peepers!  She had also been sent to the New Ink Pitt along with the others.  She-Peepers was a bit scared talking to the brother of J-Diddy, since the rapper was abusive to her.  J-Diddy had forced her to do bad things that she wasn’t proud of.  He made her stalk and then lure Mr. Peepers into a trap back in the old Ink Pitt.  Wilbur assured her that he was nothing like his brother, and that he treated women with respect.  The “Roadside Romeo” finally got She-Peepers comfortable in talking with him, and the conversation began to get dirty.  Wilbur was asking what She-Peepers was wearing and she told him a bra and panties.  He asked if she was touching herself.  Trevor, who was listening in, finally grabbed the phone and told She-Peepers to pull off her panties and put her fingers down there.  She-Peepers got a little scared because of the new voice, but also because her “new boyfriend” had just gotten out of the shower and she had to hang up quickly.  Wilbur and Trevor were left in suspense about who this new boyfriend is.   They were also a little upset that they didn’t get She-Peepers’ address, so they could hook up.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 158--Phone Number

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 9, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 1 of 6: Phone Number

Wilbur Hydrick,  a trucker

Trevor Hydrick, honeydipper

Today found the Hydrick brothers, with the exception of J-Diddy and Billy G, out in the woods.  Trevor and Wilbur were alone in the forest, revealing that they had been there since Hands of Time sent them away from the Shit Pitt.  Billy G. and J-Diddy had both left to go to town.  Of course, Billy G. is now working for the Manly Man, but Trevor and Wilbur are not yet aware of this.  As for J-Diddy, he evidently went out on his own. Trevor talked about how J-Diddy had too much city in him, and could never adjust to living in the country like the rest of them.  Trevor asked Wilbur how he felt and Wilbur, who was taking a crap in the bushes, said he was feeling a lot better!  He then yelled because he had wiped his butt by accident with some poison ivy and now it was itching!  He came back over and talked with Trevor while scratching his butt.

Suddenly, Stardust appeared, sending Trevor and Wilbur into a flurry of blind redneck fear!  The two thought Stardust was some kind of alien, and started throwing rocks at him! Since Hands of Time had transported the Hydricks to the New Ink Pitt (See the April 30, 2009 blog), this was the first time they had seen Stardust.  They thought he was going to take them away in his spaceship and give them anal probes!  Stardust finally got through to Wilbur, who was ready to listen when Stardust said he had the phone number of a hot girl who J-Diddy used to date.  Wilbur, the “Roadside Romeo,” was quick to take the number from Stardust.  Stardust said he had given them the number to let J-Diddy know that his old girlfriend was here in the New Ink Pitt.  Stardust left, and Wilbur was ready to call the number, hoping this girl would be like one of his truck stop sluts.  Trevor then reminded him that they were in the woods and had no phone.  So the two made off for the city, in search of a pay phone!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 157--Suddenly Sexual Speeches

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 8, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 9 of 12: Suddenly Sexual Presidential Speeches

Manly Man Gaymerica!

King Trostelus and Screenface were prepared to deliver their speeches today, in the presidential race for New Ink Pitt president.  Manly Man Gaymerica had it all set up, with Billy G. filming the speeches live and sending it to the Brovo network.  Manly Man said that Stardust assured him that everyone in the New Ink Pitt now had cable and would see the footage.  So after Manly Man went on with his usual gayness, he asked Screenface and Trostelus who would go first.  Screenface finally agreed, and got up on a makeshift pedestal and started talking about super villainy, and how he didn’t need anyones’ votes to take over the world.  Manly Man then interrupted Screenface and told him that he’d forgotten to mention something about the rules of the speech giving.  He said that the speeches would be contested under “Suddenly Sexual” rules, which meant that every speaker had to assume a sexual position while they gave their speech.  Manly Man  selected the “butt hole blast position” for Screenface, which involved bending over and sticking ones butt in the air. Screenface disagreed, and left before saying anymore.  Trostelus also refused, saying that he was King and he did not have to lower himself to Manly Man’s level.  Manly Man then declared himself the winner of of the Speech Showdown but got up on the pedestal and delivered his anyway.  He said that he would be open and bend over to whatever ideas the people had.  He said he was the president of the 21st century, making references to his gay, free-wheeling ideas.  Billy G. then let Manly Man know that he couldn’t figure out how to cut the camera on, and he had captured zero footage of the Speech Showdown.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 156--In Gaymerica's Office

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 5, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 8 of 12: Screenface and Trostelus in the Manly Man’s Presidential Office

Screenface!

King Trostelus and Screenface showed up today, outside of Manly Man’s presidential campaign office.  He had called his two running mates there, but had not yet told them the details.  Screenface and Trostelus went back and forth arguing about who would rule the new Ink Pitt.  Finally, Manly Man peeked his head out from the bathroom door and told them to hold on because he was helping Billy G. in the bathroom.  Of course, Manly Man was once again checking out his campaign manager, taking advantage of his presence.  Screenface and Trostelus got angry with Manly Man because he was wasting their time.  Manly Man finally told them why he had asked them there.  He said that on Monday, they had better be ready because they would have to give speeches that would challenge the one that he had already written for himself!  So it’s the Presidential Speech Showdown this Monday in the Ink Pitt!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 155--Presidential Posturing

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 4, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 7 of 12: Billy G. Hydrick’s Presidential Posturing

Billy G likes his new job!

The show began with Billy G. Hydrick on all fours, trying to find a missing contact lens for the Manly Man Gaymerica.  Manly Man kept saying it was down on the floor and told Billy G. which way to crawl to find it. Finally, after admiring Billy G’s upturned butt and taking several pictures of it, Manly Man then said that he found the contact and it was already in his eye!  Billy G. remarked that this was the best job he’d ever had, even though he couldn’t remember ever having one before this.  However, Billy G. said he felt a bit bored because he wanted to do some real work.  Manly Man had just the thing for Billy G, telling him to put on a George W. Bush mask he had for him.  Manly Man wanted Billy G. to pose as George W. Bush and make a public statement about how the former president supported the Manly Man.  After being a bit unsure about doing it since he felt it was lying, Billy G finally agreed to the idea.  Manly Man then fed him what to say as he filmed it.   Manly Man then told Billy G thanks, and that he would be in his private office watching the tape (and probably getting off to Billy G).

Show 2 (Shit Pitt) Timeslide pt. 4 of 12:  Rosewood Cowboy Rescues Hands of Time

Rosewood Cowboy saves the day!

     The Hands of Time was in a serious jam today.  On the run from the new demonic Steve Spurrier and Carnastas the clown, he had finally reached a dead end.  Spurrier and Carnastas had him trapped.  They were already eating his trademark hat, and hungry for more.  Steve Spurrier mentioned how tasty the Hands of Time’s calves looked.  They reminded him of a football player’s legs.  Just when they were about to devour the powerless Hands of Time, law and order stepped in to stop them.  It was none other than the Rosewood Cowboy.  He held out his shiny pistol and pointed it straight at the two creatures.  He told them that if they tried anything that he was going to pump them full of lead.  Carnastas and Spurrier backed away and then ran off, vowing to get them eventually.  The cowboy helped Hands of Time to his feet and told him what had been happening in the six months he’s been absent from the Shit Pitt.  It seems that Shithead has taken total control and Carnastas and Spurrier are his minions.  The cowboy then asked Hands of Time if he knew how to ride a horse.  The cowboy’s horse, Snigger, was nearby and they would use him as transportation.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 154--Three-Legged Race/Coming of Carnastas

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 3, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 6 of 12: Three-Legged Race

King Trostelus!

     Manly Man Gaymerica came out today and declared that he was the only sane choice for president in the race between himself and Screenface.  He said that no one wanted someone  who ruled with an iron fist in today’s society.  Manly Man said that he represented the free world with his openess about sexual orientation and race.  Speaking of races, the race between the two got a whole lot more crowed when Manly Man’s attempts to call out Screenface were met by King Trostelus!  Trostelus declared that this whole presidential race was a waste of time because everyone knew that he was the true ruler of the Ink Pitt, and now it was time for him to once again sit on his throne in this new world!
Manly Man messed with Trostelus, acting like he didn’t know his name.  He got Trostelus all upset and then told him he was messing with him.  Manly Man said that Trostelus may have been a fictitious king in the old Ink Pitt, but that stuff wasn’t going to work in the new Ink Pitt.  Manly Man said if Trostelus wanted to be in charge, he was going to have to run just like Screenface and himself.  Trostelus agreed, and said he would win.  Manly Man then compared the presidential race too a three-legged race, where Screenface and Trostelus were the two legs with himself as the big dick in the middle!  Manly Man  asked Trostelus if he’d rather be his running mate, because he felt a king and a man princess would work well together.  Trostelus vehemently refused and then walked off to prepare.

Shit Pitt-- Timeslide pt. 3 of 12: Coming of Carnastas

Carnastas the Clown

     The story of the Hands of Time’s timeslide to the Shit Pitt of the future continued today.  Hands of Time had just left Johnny Pizazz, and was finally realizing that he really has missed 6 months of time in the Shit Pitt, and this is no joke or fabrication.  While in an alley, he encountered a very changed and almost demonic Steve Spurrier, who smelled the Hands of Time and was out to eat him!!  Spurrier was accompanied by a demonic-looking clown who called himself Carnastas, the Clown Prince of Carnage!  The two tried to catch Hands of Time in an effort to devour him, but he escaped momentarily.  Carnastas and Spurrier have his scent however, and are also bringing in Spurrier’s Hellcocks to hunt him down!  What has gone so wrong in the Shit Pitt in Hands of Time’s absence to create this frightening new world?  How has Hands of Time lost control of time?  Is he going to survive to find out?  To be continued…

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 153

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 2, 2009

New Ink Pitt:  Face the Gaytion pt. 5 of 12:  Manly Man's Campaign Manager

Billy G--Campaign Manager!

Manly Man Gaymerica came out today and said that he needed help with his campaign, despite having 5 versions of himself to do work.  So he announced his campaign manager as the one and only Billy G. Hydrick!  Manly Man said that he needed someone that wasn't too bright to run his campaign, because he didn't want anyone telling on him about any underhanded things he might do during the race for presidency.  So Billy G. Hydrick fit perfectly, with his backwoods redneck dumbness.  This actually is the first time in Ink Pitt/Shit Pitt recorded history that Billy G. has held a job.  When he was first introduced, he was said to be living with his wife and all he wanted to do was hunt all the time.  So perhaps history was made today as Billy G. took this job with the Manly Man.  Also making history today, is the fact that this is the first time Manly Man and Billy G. have ever really teamed up or had any one on one encounter that went beyond one show (as this one will).  Manly Man seemed to be interested in Billy G. for more than his dumbness, however, as he said he liked looking at him with his long mullet.  Perhaps Manly Man sees the same endearing qualities in Billy G. that he saw in Rufus the retard.  Maybe there will another same sex cermony in the near future?

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 152

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 1, 2009

Show 1 (Inkcast--New Ink Pitt) Face the Gaytion pt.  4 of 12:
Running for Office

Manly Man Gaymerica stands up to
Screenface!

Screenface showed up today and declared that he was going to be the ruler of this new Ink Pitt, and that he was going to rule with an iron fist.  He said no one would be able to do anything about it, but that was before the Manly Man showed up.   It was Manly Man Gaymerica in fact, who told Screenface that this was Gaymerica, and in Gaymerica, leaders run for office.  No one just takes over.  Manly Man said that he was going to run for the President of the New Ink Pitt and there was nothing Screenface could do except challenge him by running as well.  The Man Princess basically said it didn't make a difference whether Screenface ran or not.  All of gaydom and the free world were going to vote for him and not some dictator.  So Manly Man laid down the law and challenged Screenface to attempt to beat him in an election.  Screenface will certainly have to "Face the Gaytion."


Show 2 (Shitshow--Shit Pitt) The Coming of La Luna Guerrero pt. 4 of 6:
La Luna Guerrero Revealed!
 Meanwhile, in the Shit Pitt of the present (not the future one where Hands of Time now is), Juan Jurez came out and introduced La Luna Guerrero, who was previously too fast to be seen when fighting Ink Avenger.  La Luna Guerrero came out, and was revealed to be a super tough Mexican wrestler!  The two claimed they were going to take Ink Avenger out once and for all, and basically have plans to make him their slave at Juan's restaurant! They sauntered off, confident in those plans.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental