Chief Blacktoes first appeared in Summer 2005, holding the first-ever summer camp in the Ink Pitt! The Emo Indian taught the members of the Ink Pitt the ways of Native Americans--when he wasn't crying about his ex-wife leaving him!
Hey Ya'll this here's Billy G. Hydrick, yore average American redneck! Well lemme tell ya'll what ah did last week! Ah held the first-ever Extreme Redneck Makeover! Ah know this Injun...ah mean Indian feller named Chief Blacktoes. He's been having trouble finding women to date him since his wife, Sunny Big Breasts, left him for a scandalous life as a stripper at da Huge Rack Club! Some fellers and I actually saw her act...and WOOWEE it shore is hot!! But anyway, ah agreed ta help Blacktoes get some women by making him over as a redneck! So on Day One, ah sent him to Disney World! Why? Ah dunno...it's what they do on that Extreme Home Makeover show so ah thought it was a good idea. So while ah was in South Carolina, hanging out at Blacktoes' TeePee, he was down in Orlando meeting up with that overgrown mouse! Man them Crackers down in Floridia sure are weird...Giant Mice haha!! Well I had some other fellers there with me who wanted to learn to be rednecks, so first I taught them some redneck ettiquitt! Here's some expressions ta use at the dinner table when yore wife is giving ya a hard time:
WOMAN, GIMMIE MAH BEER! PASS THE DAMN TATERS!
GET YORE WHITE TRASH BUTT OVER HERE AND POUR ME SOME MORE TEA!
And here's some stuff to tell her in the bedroom:
TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN CLOTHES AND GET NEKKID!
DANG RIGHT I'M BRINGIN' MY SNUFF TO BED!
YOU SHORE IS GETTIN' FAT...YOUR BOOBS ARE STARTIN' TO SAG
TURN OFF THE LIGHT...AH CAN'T DO IT WHILE LOOKIN' AT YOU
WANNA DO IT IN MAH DEER STAND?
After that, ah let dem fellers see what redneck teeth look like..after not brushing mah teeth for a month! Finally, ah gave em a shore fire way to pick up hot women! Ah pulled out my white trash baby (which ah found in the garbage can earlier that morning...city folks throw away everythin!) and showed her around!
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(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
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