Sunday, May 17, 2015

Pitt Report 167--Preparing the Inauguration Speech

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 21, 2009

Pitt Report Preview:  President Manly Man prepares his Inauguration Speech
President Manly Man!
After becoming the self-proclaimed “president” of the New Ink Pitt, Manly Man Gaymerica has been hard at work fashioning an inauguration speech for tomorrow’s festivities.  Here are some comments from President Manly Man, who discusses what issues he will address in the speech.

Saturday, June 20, 9 A.M.    
     “Oh my goodness!  It feels so great to have been voted into the office of the presidency.  I want to say thanks to all my gay and non-gay friends who chose me as their leader!  You did the right thing, because with me in office, the New Pitt will truly have to “Face the Gaytion,” and accept gays like everyone else!  This little Man Princess is not going to rest on a nice hard weenie though--he is going to make some serious changes for the better in the New Ink Pitt!  However, first things first.  I have to compose my inaugural speech so that everyone will know who--I mean what I’m going to do!  So I will get started right now!”

Saturday, June 20, 8 P.M.
     “Ok, so I spent all morning drafting up a wonderful speech for my inauguration!  I was so excited that I took Billy G. out on the town!  He told me about some places that his brother, trucker Wilbur Hydrick, used to go.  He said I would like this one truckstop on the edge of town.  The weird thing about this New Ink Pitt is that it’s a parallel universe that has everything the old Ink Pitt did.  So the truck stop was right where Billy G. remembered it.  He took me to the men’s room, and I got really excited!  I thought Billy G. and I were gonna do it right there!  Oh my goodness…my weenie was all hard!  But Billy G. pointed me to one stall and then left.  There was a hole in the wall--a glory hole!!  I got so excited, and waited for something to come through the hole.  I was all tingly in my toes and started touching myself!  A few moments later, a big ole weenie came through!  It was a weenie fitting for a president for sure!  But if George W. or Billy Clinton, or “I’m so Black Obama were there, they wouldn’t get any of that weenie---no siree!  This one was ALL for President Manly Man!  I got down on my knees and took care of that weenie!  Then some more weenies came through and I got some more action!  It was a good night, and this little Man Princess was feeling nice as spice!”

Sunday June 21, 2009
       “So today I got up, and felt really good.  I slid naked out of bed and went over and smelled my presidential petunias.  I then went to my living room and watched video of Billy G. bending over and doing other stuff I made him do.  I sure do love a man with a mullet and a southern accent!  MMMM if he would just come around and be gay!  Finished refining my speech today for my presidential inauguration.  So now I’m all ready for my infuc--I mean induction into office!  It will be a great day!  I will be joining the likes of Abey Lincoln and Georgie Washington---ooooo those were some sexy men hehe!  I once jacked off to Washington’s face on the dollar bill hehe!”

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Classic Pitt Report 166--Manly Man wins the Election

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 19, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 13 of 13:  Manly Man wins the Election
President Manly Man!
Billy G. announced the results of the election today, but said there really was no reason because they only had the votes for the Manly Man Gaymerica.  If anyone had voted for Screenface or King Trostelus, Gaymerica didn’t make a record of it.  Plus, King Trostelus and Screenface didn’t go out to greet the people,  so there would have been nothing else in support of them.  This would all be true if there really was a presidential race in the New Ink Pitt.  However, the fact was that this whole thing was all in the Manly Man Gaymerica’s mind.  There were no real constituents even though Gaymerica had visited people during the past week.  The New Ink Pitt community had not come together in agreement to create an office of presidency, or even a government.   Manly Man Gaymerica was a candidate in a fictitious race.  There had been no real votes, but  Gaymerica wrote down that there had been five supporters and had Billy G. announce him as the President of the New Ink Pitt!  He told Billy G. that they should go back to his place and have celebratory gay sex.  Billy G. refused, but then Gaymerica got him to agree to pose nude for him for cash.  King Trostelus and Screenface came by, denying the Manly Man Gaymerica’s new title.  The king said that he did not care about Gaymerica’s election because he was building his castle and an army and would eventually take over anyway.  He then threatened to cut Gaymerica’s weenie off!  Screenface said his ambitions were bigger.  He was going to not only take over the New Ink Pitt, he would eventually destroy it with some sort of super-villain weapon he would create.  They left and President Manly Man said he didn’t care about them.  He was off to compose his Inaugural speech!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 165--Wife Withholding

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 18, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 6 of 6: Wife Withholding
She-Peepers Abused by J-Diddy!
J-Diddy has been reunited with She-Peepers, who after several years being present in the Ink/Shit Pitts, was revealed to be J-Diddy’s wife.  It seems that J-Diddy was married to her back when she stalked Mr. Peepers.  J-Diddy forced his wife to stalk Mr. Peepers in an effort to get revenge on him for taking his spot in the original Ink Pitt.  However, She-Peepers fell in love with Mr. Peepers, and left J-Diddy, who was abusive and manipulative.  After the whole Mr. Peepers fiasco, She-Peepers went on to have relationships with Optic Ink Eye and Rufus the retard.  Now, once more with her husband, and held hostage inside his new apartment, She-Peepers has been facing his abusive wrath over her leaving him.  The beatings were interrupted today by Wilbur, Trevor, and Rufus.  J-Diddy answered the door, afraid that they had found him out, and would try to stop him from beating She-Peepers.  The Hydricks said they knew what was going on, but it wasn’t what J-Diddy expected.  Wilbur and Trevor said that it wasn’t right that J-Diddy had been hiding the fact that he had a wife.  They knew that he had been only recently reunited with his long lost brothers, and didn’t know their ways, so they understood.  However, Wilbur and Trevor said that he needed to learn real fast about the Hydrick family code.  Basically, the code stated that if one Hydrick had a wife, then all the brothers got a turn with her.  This got under J-Diddy’s skin, and he told them to leave.  Wilbur and Trevor were basically saying that he should give She-Peepers up to them at that moment so they could have sex with her!  Rufus realized that J-Diddy was beating She-Peepers, and said so, but the Hydricks didn’t listen.  Wilbur and Trevor were too into their backwoods redneck code and horniness to care.  J-Diddy refused them again.  Wilbur and Trevor then told him that because he said no to his brothers in this matter, that there would be some serious repercussions.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 164--Erec--Election Day/Picking up Pizzazz

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 17, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 11 of 12:  Preparation for Erec--Election Day
Manly Man Gaymeria announced that Friday is Erection--well actually Election Day for himself and his opponents.  He said that he was confident that he’d win because he was the only one who had actually gone out on the campaign trail to get votes.  He once again said he was going to take all the “votes” inside himself and take good care of them.  He said he was going to bring about way more change that Obama had ever seen, as the first-ever gay president!  Billy G. agreed with him, saying it was ok to be gay, even though he wasn’t.  Manly Man just laughed and said that Billy G. would come around.

Shit Pitt--Timeslide pt. 8 of 12:  Picking up Pizzazz
Optic Ink Eye and The Rosewood Cowboy found Johnny Pizzazz today, sitting in the same rotten, stinking alley he’s been in for the past six months.  The Cowboy told Ink Eye that it looked like it was going to be tough to get Pizzazz back to his old self, but he had the surefire cure.  He went over and started kicking Pizzazz, who told them to go get their own space in the alley to sleep in.  The Cowboy told Pizzazz to stop feeling sorry for himself and get up. The Cowboy recited some of Pizzazz’s catchphrase, using the expressions “catalyst of character” and “mage of the age” in order to get him excited again.  Pizzazz just acted indifferent and said he wanted to go to sleep.  Finally, the Cowboy had to stick his gun in Pizzazz’s face to get him up and motivated.  He forced Pizzazz to recite his catchphrase,  “I am the Mage of the Age, the Catalyst of Character, the Maestro of Magic.  I am JOHNNY PIZZAZZ!”  With that, it appeared that Johnny Pizzazz was once more himself again--well, short of a nice long shower--he hadn’t taken a bath in six months and smelled awful.!  The Cowboy had made progress but didn’t feel that Pizzazz was totally sincere, so he told him he was going to take him to Waffle House.  Optic Ink Eye got all excited at that.  Afterwards they would tell him more about how they needed his magic to battle Shithead.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Classic Pitt Report 163--Gaymerica at J-Diddy's Apartment

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 16, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 10 of 12/Thug Wife pt. 5 of 6: Manly Man Campaigns to 
J-Diddy
J-Diddy gets his lead pipe!
Storylines crossed over today as the Manly Man and Billy G. went into an apartment building and knocked on a door randomly.  The door was opened by Billy G’s brother, J-Diddy, who was a bit surprised to see them.  Billy G. told his brother hello and asked what he was doing there.  The last time Billy G. had seen him, he headed off in a different direction in the city.  J-Diddy didn’t seem to want any company, and seemed preoccupied with something in the apartment.  He kept turning around to look over his shoulder.  J-Diddy then asked what Billy G. was doing running around with the Manly Man.  He asked if Billy G. had become a fag.  Billy G. said no, and then told J-Diddy that Manly Man was running for president and that he was his campaign manager.  J-Diddy got out a lead pipe and started swinging it around, telling them to go away.   Manly Man got all excited about the big black pipe, and told J-Diddy that he wished he’d use it on him, or rather, in him.  Manly Man then gave his little speech about wanting votes and how he was going to put them in himself and protect them.  J-Diddy had had enough and started yelling at them to leave.  Once they did, J-Diddy shut the door and revealed that he had been concerned about She-Peepers, who was in the apartment with him.  He turned towards her with the lead pipe, and she begged with him not to hurt her.   He said she’d been a bad wife and that now she was going to get it!  He swung the pipe and went to work on her.

Shit Pitt--Timeslide pt. 7 of 12:  Hands of Time & the Surge of Power
Hands of Time's Power Restored?

Hands of Time was still sitting around in an alley contemplating when he was approached by Carnastas the Clown, who once more wanted to eat him.  Hands of Time backed away, thinking himself helpless.  He snapped his fingers a few times, in an attempt to freeze Carnastas, and to his amazement, it worked!  Hands of Time felt that his power had returned, and that he could now go and return to the past and and get his head on straight again.  He was unable to time travel though.  It seems that his power has returned partially, but it is not enough to sense time or help time move.  He can only momentarily freeze things.  So, with this knowledge, Hands of Time got the hell out of there before Carnastas was once more free! Hands of Time saw yet another vision involving the RETINA as well today.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 162--Gaymerica at Psychic Parlor/Bingo Hall

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 15, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 9 of 12: Manly Man Campaigns at the Psychic Parlor of Doom/Bingo Hall of Blacktoes
Gaymerica at the door!
Manly Man was out on the campaign trail today, trying to drum up votes from the citizens of the New Ink Pitt.  The first stop was the Psychic Parlor/Bingo Hall where Black Doom and Chief Blacktoes now live together under a shaky alliance after the Psychic Parlor Property Rights Fiasco.  Manly Man got his campaign manager/secretary/assistant/eye candy, Billy G. Hydrick, to knock on the door.  Black Doom answered, and as soon as he saw the Manly Man standing behind Billy G, he shut the door without a word.  Then Chief Blacktoes came to the door, saying “HOW” or hello.  Blacktoes decided to listen, even though there may have been some animosity between himself and Billy G.  The last time their paths crossed, back in the old Ink Pitt, Billy G. had tried to give Blacktoes an “Extreme Redneck Makeover” in order to win back his woman, Sunny Big Breasts, which resulted in the destruction of his teepee!  Manly Man quickly went into his speech, offering Blacktoes his card.  Manly Man said that a vote for him was like putting ones’ weenie into a nice warm butt hole.  He was going to keep the weenie (referring to votes, but also, a real penis) safe, and take care of it.  He encouraged Blacktoes to “put his vote in him,” because by doing so, he would always “get more out than he put in!”  Black Doom showed up once more but refused to even converse with Manly Man.  It was pretty evident that he was disgusted with the Man Princess.  Manly Man thought because Blacktoes and Black Doom were living in the same house that they were now a same sex couple!  He went on about how great he thought it was that they had both come out of the closet!  Then, after some mudslinging towards his opponents, Screenface and King Trostelus, Manly Man and Billy G. went on their way, to campaign more places in the New Ink Pitt!

Shit Pitt--Timeslide pt. 6 of 12:  Handwritten Hands of Time
Hands of Time Writes!

Hands of Time sat alone today in an alley, writing in a diary.  He expressed his curiosity towards that fact that he had lost his powers and had now become human.  Because of his loss of time management, he now felt a need to put things into words and preserve them on paper.  This human desire had baffled him before since he was never concerned with the past before.  It had always been his duty to forever push forward, and never look back.  Hands of Time wrote down what was happening in the Shit Pitt, as the Rosewood Cowboy and Optic Ink Eye had left him there while they went off to find Johnny Pizazz and get him back on his feet and hopefully out of his depression.  Hands of Time expressed his fear that Steve Spurrier and Carnastas might come back and try to eat him.  Powerless as he is, there would not be much he could do about it.  He then thought about how this all came about.  How is it that he has lost his power, and how has he “timeslid” to December 31, 2009?  What force is capable of rendering him impotent?  Suddenly, Hands of Time got a vision, and word appeared etched across his mind.  It was “RETINA.”

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 161--Thug Wife & Husband

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 12, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 4 of 6: Thug Wife & Husband
J-Diddy is She-Peepers' Husband!
Wilbur and Trevor met up with She-Peepers in an alley today, determined to have a threesome.  She-Peepers complained about her new boyfriend, Rufus, not taking time for her, as he seems to stay in the shower at their apartment all the time!  The threesome was not to be however, as Rufus showed up and caught the Hydricks in the act!  The two brothers tried again to play it off as something other than dirty sex in an alley, but Rufus couldn’t be fooled.  He called the Hydricks and She-Peepers “bad, bad, bad!”  Rufus then got ready to force She-Peepers to come home with him.  Suddenly, J-Diddy, or Junior Hydrick, as he is known to his brothers, showed up!  He demanded that Wilbur and Trevor telling him what the hell was going on, and what they were doing with She-Peepers!  Wilbur and Trevor lied and said they were helping her because she had been attacked or some nonsense.  They knew that She-Peepers had been J-Diddy’s girlfriend and that he might be sore if they told him the truth.  Rufus spoke up and said they were trying to sleep with She-Peepers.  J-Diddy said that he hoped that that wasn’t what Wilbur and Trevor were doing with her because he had a secret to reveal.  She-Peepers is not only his ex-girlfriend and one-time instrument of revenge on Mr. Peepers--she is also his wife!!!  The news shocked those present.  J-Diddy then went to reclaim his wife, but She-Peepers ran off for fear of what he would do to her.  It seems that their abusive relationship will be rekindled, as the “Thug Wife” must deal with her harmful husband!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental