Classic Pitt Report 160--New Boyfriend

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 11, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 3 of 6: New Boyfriend

Rufus the Retard!!!

Wilbur and Trevor showed up at She-Peepers’ apartment today, expecting to be involved in a threesome with her!  Wilbur had called her back after the initial phone conversation and she had given them her address.  She-Peepers said she was lonely, despite the fact that she had a new boyfriend.  Wilbur and Trevor came in, and realized it was She-Peepers, whom they had met briefly back in the Shit Pitt.  Even though they knew of her strange ways, that didn’t deter the two horny rednecks from wanting to bed her!  They also don’t know the details of J-Diddy’s history with her.  She-Peepers was getting hot and bothered, as Wilbur turned on the charm.  She laid on her bed and prepared to let the two Hydricks “fill all her holes.”  Suddenly, her boyfriend, who had once again been in the shower, came out to find out what was going on!  The two Hydricks were astonished to see who it was!  She-Peepers’ new boyfriend was none other  than Rufus the retard!  Rufus wanted to know what was going on, and the Hydricks tried to lie to him.  Rufus would not buy the lies though, and said that even though he was a retard, he wasn’t stupid!  He told Wilbur that he could see his erection pushing against his pants, and he knew that they were trying to sleep with his woman!  She-Peepers had evidently told Rufus that she was virgin (even though she had actually slept with Rufus AND ALL the other members of the Strange Squad--Sambo & Optic Ink Eye being the others--back when they were all together.  For some reason, Rufus didn’t remember this, even though She-Peepers tried to remind him at this point) and he was buying that.  Rufus then told the Hydricks to leave as he labeled them “bad, bad, bad!”  They finally left, and Rufus then said he had to go back and take a shower AGAIN!  He’s either feeling dirty being around She-Peepers, or he’s playing with himself in the bathroom a lot!

Shitt Pitt--Timeslide pt. 5 of 12:  Optic Ink Eye and the Rebellion

The alien Optic Ink Eye!

Things started with Hands of Time complaining about not being able to walk any further since his rescue from Carnastas the Clown and the demonic Steve Spurrier.  The Rosewood cowboy had made him walk rather than ride Snigger the horse with him.  They stopped and the cowboy said they were close to the rebellion camp.  They then saw Optic Ink Eye walking towards them.  One look at Hands of Time was all that it took to put Optic Ink Eye in a really bad mood!  He was still upset that Hands of Time had separated him from his lady love, She-Peepers, who is now in the New Ink Pitt.  Hands of Time pitched an incredible fit, which was perhaps one of his most insane ones to date.  According to the cowboy, Optic Ink Eye said he wanted to do some really awful things to Hands of Time for banishing his girlfriend.  The cowboy wouldn’t even translate it was so bad.  Had Hands of time still had access to his power, he might have understood the alien, but it just wasn’t happening today.  The cowboy settled Optic Ink Eye down and told Hands of Time some more about how Shithead had taken advantage of the lack of people in the Shit Pitt, and had become nearly all-powerful.   He had kidnapped several well-known people, including Steve Spurrier, who he has transformed into a demonic cannibal.  Spurrier, Carnastas, and four others are his generals of evil, forming the fully-realized Six Shades of Shit!  The cowboy said Hand of Time was either for them or against them.  He pointed a pistol at him, and Hands of Time readily agreed to be on the side of the rebellion!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 159--Phone Sex

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 10, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 2 of 6: Phone Sex

Wilbur got a cell phone today and called the number of J-Diddy’s ex-girlfriend with the intent to set a date with her.  The ex-girlfriend was  revealed to be none other than She-Peepers!  She had also been sent to the New Ink Pitt along with the others.  She-Peepers was a bit scared talking to the brother of J-Diddy, since the rapper was abusive to her.  J-Diddy had forced her to do bad things that she wasn’t proud of.  He made her stalk and then lure Mr. Peepers into a trap back in the old Ink Pitt.  Wilbur assured her that he was nothing like his brother, and that he treated women with respect.  The “Roadside Romeo” finally got She-Peepers comfortable in talking with him, and the conversation began to get dirty.  Wilbur was asking what She-Peepers was wearing and she told him a bra and panties.  He asked if she was touching herself.  Trevor, who was listening in, finally grabbed the phone and told She-Peepers to pull off her panties and put her fingers down there.  She-Peepers got a little scared because of the new voice, but also because her “new boyfriend” had just gotten out of the shower and she had to hang up quickly.  Wilbur and Trevor were left in suspense about who this new boyfriend is.   They were also a little upset that they didn’t get She-Peepers’ address, so they could hook up.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 158--Phone Number

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 9, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Thug Wife pt. 1 of 6: Phone Number

Wilbur Hydrick,  a trucker

Trevor Hydrick, honeydipper

Today found the Hydrick brothers, with the exception of J-Diddy and Billy G, out in the woods.  Trevor and Wilbur were alone in the forest, revealing that they had been there since Hands of Time sent them away from the Shit Pitt.  Billy G. and J-Diddy had both left to go to town.  Of course, Billy G. is now working for the Manly Man, but Trevor and Wilbur are not yet aware of this.  As for J-Diddy, he evidently went out on his own. Trevor talked about how J-Diddy had too much city in him, and could never adjust to living in the country like the rest of them.  Trevor asked Wilbur how he felt and Wilbur, who was taking a crap in the bushes, said he was feeling a lot better!  He then yelled because he had wiped his butt by accident with some poison ivy and now it was itching!  He came back over and talked with Trevor while scratching his butt.

Suddenly, Stardust appeared, sending Trevor and Wilbur into a flurry of blind redneck fear!  The two thought Stardust was some kind of alien, and started throwing rocks at him! Since Hands of Time had transported the Hydricks to the New Ink Pitt (See the April 30, 2009 blog), this was the first time they had seen Stardust.  They thought he was going to take them away in his spaceship and give them anal probes!  Stardust finally got through to Wilbur, who was ready to listen when Stardust said he had the phone number of a hot girl who J-Diddy used to date.  Wilbur, the “Roadside Romeo,” was quick to take the number from Stardust.  Stardust said he had given them the number to let J-Diddy know that his old girlfriend was here in the New Ink Pitt.  Stardust left, and Wilbur was ready to call the number, hoping this girl would be like one of his truck stop sluts.  Trevor then reminded him that they were in the woods and had no phone.  So the two made off for the city, in search of a pay phone!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 157--Suddenly Sexual Speeches

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 8, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 9 of 12: Suddenly Sexual Presidential Speeches

Manly Man Gaymerica!

King Trostelus and Screenface were prepared to deliver their speeches today, in the presidential race for New Ink Pitt president.  Manly Man Gaymerica had it all set up, with Billy G. filming the speeches live and sending it to the Brovo network.  Manly Man said that Stardust assured him that everyone in the New Ink Pitt now had cable and would see the footage.  So after Manly Man went on with his usual gayness, he asked Screenface and Trostelus who would go first.  Screenface finally agreed, and got up on a makeshift pedestal and started talking about super villainy, and how he didn’t need anyones’ votes to take over the world.  Manly Man then interrupted Screenface and told him that he’d forgotten to mention something about the rules of the speech giving.  He said that the speeches would be contested under “Suddenly Sexual” rules, which meant that every speaker had to assume a sexual position while they gave their speech.  Manly Man  selected the “butt hole blast position” for Screenface, which involved bending over and sticking ones butt in the air. Screenface disagreed, and left before saying anymore.  Trostelus also refused, saying that he was King and he did not have to lower himself to Manly Man’s level.  Manly Man then declared himself the winner of of the Speech Showdown but got up on the pedestal and delivered his anyway.  He said that he would be open and bend over to whatever ideas the people had.  He said he was the president of the 21st century, making references to his gay, free-wheeling ideas.  Billy G. then let Manly Man know that he couldn’t figure out how to cut the camera on, and he had captured zero footage of the Speech Showdown.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental