Classic Pitt Report 154--Three-Legged Race/Coming of Carnastas

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 3, 2009

New Ink Pitt--Face the Gaytion pt. 6 of 12: Three-Legged Race

King Trostelus!

     Manly Man Gaymerica came out today and declared that he was the only sane choice for president in the race between himself and Screenface.  He said that no one wanted someone  who ruled with an iron fist in today’s society.  Manly Man said that he represented the free world with his openess about sexual orientation and race.  Speaking of races, the race between the two got a whole lot more crowed when Manly Man’s attempts to call out Screenface were met by King Trostelus!  Trostelus declared that this whole presidential race was a waste of time because everyone knew that he was the true ruler of the Ink Pitt, and now it was time for him to once again sit on his throne in this new world!
Manly Man messed with Trostelus, acting like he didn’t know his name.  He got Trostelus all upset and then told him he was messing with him.  Manly Man said that Trostelus may have been a fictitious king in the old Ink Pitt, but that stuff wasn’t going to work in the new Ink Pitt.  Manly Man said if Trostelus wanted to be in charge, he was going to have to run just like Screenface and himself.  Trostelus agreed, and said he would win.  Manly Man then compared the presidential race too a three-legged race, where Screenface and Trostelus were the two legs with himself as the big dick in the middle!  Manly Man  asked Trostelus if he’d rather be his running mate, because he felt a king and a man princess would work well together.  Trostelus vehemently refused and then walked off to prepare.

Shit Pitt-- Timeslide pt. 3 of 12: Coming of Carnastas

Carnastas the Clown

     The story of the Hands of Time’s timeslide to the Shit Pitt of the future continued today.  Hands of Time had just left Johnny Pizazz, and was finally realizing that he really has missed 6 months of time in the Shit Pitt, and this is no joke or fabrication.  While in an alley, he encountered a very changed and almost demonic Steve Spurrier, who smelled the Hands of Time and was out to eat him!!  Spurrier was accompanied by a demonic-looking clown who called himself Carnastas, the Clown Prince of Carnage!  The two tried to catch Hands of Time in an effort to devour him, but he escaped momentarily.  Carnastas and Spurrier have his scent however, and are also bringing in Spurrier’s Hellcocks to hunt him down!  What has gone so wrong in the Shit Pitt in Hands of Time’s absence to create this frightening new world?  How has Hands of Time lost control of time?  Is he going to survive to find out?  To be continued…

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 153

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 2, 2009

New Ink Pitt:  Face the Gaytion pt. 5 of 12:  Manly Man's Campaign Manager

Billy G--Campaign Manager!

Manly Man Gaymerica came out today and said that he needed help with his campaign, despite having 5 versions of himself to do work.  So he announced his campaign manager as the one and only Billy G. Hydrick!  Manly Man said that he needed someone that wasn't too bright to run his campaign, because he didn't want anyone telling on him about any underhanded things he might do during the race for presidency.  So Billy G. Hydrick fit perfectly, with his backwoods redneck dumbness.  This actually is the first time in Ink Pitt/Shit Pitt recorded history that Billy G. has held a job.  When he was first introduced, he was said to be living with his wife and all he wanted to do was hunt all the time.  So perhaps history was made today as Billy G. took this job with the Manly Man.  Also making history today, is the fact that this is the first time Manly Man and Billy G. have ever really teamed up or had any one on one encounter that went beyond one show (as this one will).  Manly Man seemed to be interested in Billy G. for more than his dumbness, however, as he said he liked looking at him with his long mullet.  Perhaps Manly Man sees the same endearing qualities in Billy G. that he saw in Rufus the retard.  Maybe there will another same sex cermony in the near future?

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 152

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 1, 2009

Show 1 (Inkcast--New Ink Pitt) Face the Gaytion pt.  4 of 12:
Running for Office

Manly Man Gaymerica stands up to
Screenface!

Screenface showed up today and declared that he was going to be the ruler of this new Ink Pitt, and that he was going to rule with an iron fist.  He said no one would be able to do anything about it, but that was before the Manly Man showed up.   It was Manly Man Gaymerica in fact, who told Screenface that this was Gaymerica, and in Gaymerica, leaders run for office.  No one just takes over.  Manly Man said that he was going to run for the President of the New Ink Pitt and there was nothing Screenface could do except challenge him by running as well.  The Man Princess basically said it didn't make a difference whether Screenface ran or not.  All of gaydom and the free world were going to vote for him and not some dictator.  So Manly Man laid down the law and challenged Screenface to attempt to beat him in an election.  Screenface will certainly have to "Face the Gaytion."


Show 2 (Shitshow--Shit Pitt) The Coming of La Luna Guerrero pt. 4 of 6:
La Luna Guerrero Revealed!
 Meanwhile, in the Shit Pitt of the present (not the future one where Hands of Time now is), Juan Jurez came out and introduced La Luna Guerrero, who was previously too fast to be seen when fighting Ink Avenger.  La Luna Guerrero came out, and was revealed to be a super tough Mexican wrestler!  The two claimed they were going to take Ink Avenger out once and for all, and basically have plans to make him their slave at Juan's restaurant! They sauntered off, confident in those plans.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2015 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 151

Originally posted on my first blog, on May 29, 2009

New Ink Pitt: Psychic Parlor Property Rights pt 6 of 6: Seance and Solution

Trodemus performs a seance!

After agreeing to the seance, Blacktoes came to watch Doom attempt to get in contact with the Indian Spirits. Doom played around at first and pretended that he saw Kevin Costner from Dances with Wolves. Blacktoes told him to get serious. Doom then got in touch with the many Indian Spirits present in the land upon which the psychic parlor now rests. Doom told them of his plight and asked for their answer to the situation. Doom didn't want to move, but he wanted rid of Blacktoes. The spirits' answer was quite suprising, but was perhaps the best compromise. The spirits told Doom that he should give half of the psychic parlor to Blacktoes so he could open an Indian gambling casino! So Doom reluctantly agreed, keeping Blacktoes, and the spirits, happy.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2014 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
 is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 150

Originally posted on my first blog, on May 28, 2009

Trodemus & Chief Blacktoes
reach an agreement!

New Ink Pitt: Psychic Parlor Property Rights pt 5 of 6: Seance Stalemate
Black Doom was all ready today to perform a seance to remove the souls of the dead indians from the land upon which the psychic parlor rests, and all he needed was a handshake of agreement from Chief Blacktoes. Doom's hopes were dashed however, as Stardust appeared and broke Doom's mind control of Chief Blacktoes. With Blacktoes once more himself, he would never allow Doom to remove the spirits of his fellow indians from their burial ground. Blacktoes said he would not leave the grounds until his people were properly respected. So the whole thing was left unresolved, with Doom and Blacktoes at a stalemate.

After the show:
Doom has reached a more satisfying comprimise with Chief Blacktoes that will allow them both peace in the matter of the psychic parlor property rights. Doom will still perform a seance that will allow communication with the spirits of the dead indians, but instead of exorcising them, he will appeal to them for their blessing on the Psychic Parlor. Blacktoes has agreed to this, accepting the fact that Doom has been given the Psychic Parlor as his home by Stardust.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) 2014 Joshua Dyson.  The characters portrayed in this work
are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
 is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 149

Originally posted on my first blog, on May 27, 2009

Trodemus Prank Calls
Blacktoes with a KFC
order!

New Ink Pitt: Psychic Parlor Property Rights pt 4 of 6: Doom's Prank Call 
The Prophet of Doom said that he was going to fight Chief Blacktoes in the Psychic Space today, but first, he had to distract him. Doom cursed because Stardust had come by and given Blacktoes cable, internet, and phone service. All he had given Doom was phone service, which he was about to use. Doom decided he'd prank call Blacktoes to get his mind off of anything psychic. Doom called Blacktoes and pretended that he thought he was calling KFC. Doom ordered some Kentucky Grilled Chicken and pretended to get mad when Blacktoes didn't know what he was talking about. He then hung up and entered the mental dimension of the psychic space. He tried to make Blacktoes disgusted by filling his mind with images of Belinda again. Blacktoes retaliated by filling Doom's mind with naked images of cowboys such as John Wayne, The Lone Ranger, and those guys from Bonanza. It was too much for Doom, who finally reached a comprimise. With his psychic abilities, he will perform a seance to put the Indian souls buried at the psychic parlor to rest.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson
The characters portrayed in this work are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Classic Pitt Report 148

Originally posted on my first blog, on May 22, 2009

(New Ink Pitt) Psychic Parlor Property Rights pt 3 of 6:  Doom vs Blacktoes

Doom met Blacktoes outside his new Psychic Parlor today, ready to, for the first time ever, pit his dark psychic power against Blacktoes' Indian magic. First Doom tried to disgust Blacktoes with images of what he sees, tastes, and smells when he's with his fat girlfriend, Belinda. He used this trick on Officer Bates a while back when he and Pizazz were on the run. It worked very well on Bates, who was totally disgusted to the point of nearly throwing up. There really was no effect however, on Blacktoes, who remarked that all he has to do is conjure up images of his lady love, Sunny Big Breasts, perhaps the hottest woman to ever grace the Ink/Shit Pitts. Blacktoes said he was comfortable in the fact that Sunny was his wife, and that Doom would never have a hot woman like her. Doom got angry, and seemed unable to defeat Blacktoes. Doom even tried to snuff out Blacktoes' campfire near his teepee, only to catch his cowl on fire! Things basically ended with the two reaching a stalemate for the time being.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are (C) 2014 Joshua Dyson
The characters portrayed in this work are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental