Classic Pitt Report 109--Pot O'Gold Predictions

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 14, 2008


Lenny needs his Pot O' Gold back!

"So hopefully tomorrow, I will have me Pot O'Gold back! I broke it last week, when I got a wee bit excited and punched a whole in the side with me big green weiner! hehe It's been in the pot of gold repair shop since then. I predict I will have it back tomorrow...with all its gold intact! If I don't, I will jump on the repairman's head, and put me crotch into his ear...and hump his brains out!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Pitt Report 108--Red Haired Lasses

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 13, 2008. It had been a year since the last post. In that time, the original Ink Pitt grew to accomodate many new characters before finally being destroyed by the infamous CRUNCH. Here we began again, in a new universe, known as the Shit Pitt!


The first appearance of Lenny the Leprechaun on this blog!

Welcome to me first post here! I am Lenny Leprechaun, 4'3" 120 lbs of Green Irish Fury. I am single and looking for a red-haired lass who likes dating wee green men such as meself. Do not call me a midget or little person..it makes me very angry. I get so mad I will run up to you and bite yuir newwts off!!

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Pitt Report 107--Return of Peepers/Hooters

Originally posted on my first blog, on September 3, 2007


Peepers want touch Hooters Girl's
boobies, but she not allow!

"So, Mr. Peepers been away awhile from this blog. But now, Peepers back! He has been out exploring the many naturally occuring wonders of the female persuasion! He returns with new insight after visiting Hooters countless times! Peepers feel he now know women better since at Hooters, it is acceptable and expected for men to stare at hot barely-dressed ladies! Peepers feel great about it...just wish girl not try to sell him so much Hooters merchandise!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Inkstains 23

Classic Inkstains #23--Second Person Assists Barney
The Second Person tries to stop Barnery from printing the table!

Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
Inkstains now updates every Sunday and Wednesday


All-new episodes return Wednesday 4.6.11!

Classic Pitt Report 106--Mr. Clementine's Stories: Terry's Not So Deep Throat

Originally posted on my first blog, on September 3, 2007


Mr. Clementine's first post!
"Hello children, today Mr. Clementine is going to tell his labor day story! So sit back and sip your Hi-C and eat your fruit cups! There was this guy on the Jerry Lewis MDA labor day telethon that had a girly voice. We'll call him Terry. Terry hated his girly voice, and it made it worse that he had to be an announcer for the telethon each year. Can you say "announcer," children? Well to make things better, Terry tried to get more baritone in his voice by doing throat exercises. He'd do swallowing repetitions in an attempt to deepen his voice (don't try at home kids) working his throat like a body builder works his muscles. He then tried blowing up rather large blow up toys, including blow up sex dolls, to strenghten his vocal chords. He ate hundreds of Ricola mints and tried to breathe cold air. Then one day, Terry met a lady who had a similar problem. The lady had a deep voice like a man's. They fell in love and forgot about their troubles, until Terry found out the lady was a man. It happened when the "lady" told Terry that he could deepen his voice by giving "her" a little deep throat....ughhh. Can you say "deep throat," children?"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Pitt Report 105--Extreme Redneck Makeover

Originally posted on my first blog, on July 30, 2007


Chief Blacktoes first appeared in Summer 2005, holding the first-ever summer camp in the Ink Pitt! The Emo Indian taught the members of the Ink Pitt the ways of Native Americans--when he wasn't crying about his ex-wife leaving him!
Hey Ya'll this here's Billy G. Hydrick, yore average American redneck! Well lemme tell ya'll what ah did last week! Ah held the first-ever Extreme Redneck Makeover! Ah know this Injun...ah mean Indian feller named Chief Blacktoes. He's been having trouble finding women to date him since his wife, Sunny Big Breasts, left him for a scandalous life as a stripper at da Huge Rack Club! Some fellers and I actually saw her act...and WOOWEE it shore is hot!! But anyway, ah agreed ta help Blacktoes get some women by making him over as a redneck! So on Day One, ah sent him to Disney World! Why? Ah dunno...it's what they do on that Extreme Home Makeover show so ah thought it was a good idea. So while ah was in South Carolina, hanging out at Blacktoes' TeePee, he was down in Orlando meeting up with that overgrown mouse! Man them Crackers down in Floridia sure are weird...Giant Mice haha!! Well I had some other fellers there with me who wanted to learn to be rednecks, so first I taught them some redneck ettiquitt! Here's some expressions ta use at the dinner table when yore wife is giving ya a hard time:
WOMAN, GIMMIE MAH BEER! PASS THE DAMN TATERS!
GET YORE WHITE TRASH BUTT OVER HERE AND POUR ME SOME MORE TEA!
And here's some stuff to tell her in the bedroom:
TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN CLOTHES AND GET NEKKID!
DANG RIGHT I'M BRINGIN' MY SNUFF TO BED!
YOU SHORE IS GETTIN' FAT...YOUR BOOBS ARE STARTIN' TO SAG
TURN OFF THE LIGHT...AH CAN'T DO IT WHILE LOOKIN' AT YOU
WANNA DO IT IN MAH DEER STAND?
After that, ah let dem fellers see what redneck teeth look like..after not brushing mah teeth for a month! Finally, ah gave em a shore fire way to pick up hot women! Ah pulled out my white trash baby (which ah found in the garbage can earlier that morning...city folks throw away everythin!) and showed her around!

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Inkstains 22

Classic Inkstains #22--Kelly's Thai Heritage
Kelly reveals her Thai heritage and lets Josh know that she is a "sexy Thai lady!" This episode marks the beginning of Kelly's flirtations with my character.

Inkstains characters, stories, and art (C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
Inkstains now updates every Sunday and Wednesday

All-new episodes return Wednesday 4.6.11!