Classic Pitt Report 107--Return of Peepers/Hooters

Originally posted on my first blog, on September 3, 2007


Peepers want touch Hooters Girl's
boobies, but she not allow!

"So, Mr. Peepers been away awhile from this blog. But now, Peepers back! He has been out exploring the many naturally occuring wonders of the female persuasion! He returns with new insight after visiting Hooters countless times! Peepers feel he now know women better since at Hooters, it is acceptable and expected for men to stare at hot barely-dressed ladies! Peepers feel great about it...just wish girl not try to sell him so much Hooters merchandise!"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Inkstains 23

Classic Inkstains #23--Second Person Assists Barney
The Second Person tries to stop Barnery from printing the table!

Inkstains characters, stories, and art are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
Inkstains now updates every Sunday and Wednesday


All-new episodes return Wednesday 4.6.11!

Classic Pitt Report 106--Mr. Clementine's Stories: Terry's Not So Deep Throat

Originally posted on my first blog, on September 3, 2007


Mr. Clementine's first post!
"Hello children, today Mr. Clementine is going to tell his labor day story! So sit back and sip your Hi-C and eat your fruit cups! There was this guy on the Jerry Lewis MDA labor day telethon that had a girly voice. We'll call him Terry. Terry hated his girly voice, and it made it worse that he had to be an announcer for the telethon each year. Can you say "announcer," children? Well to make things better, Terry tried to get more baritone in his voice by doing throat exercises. He'd do swallowing repetitions in an attempt to deepen his voice (don't try at home kids) working his throat like a body builder works his muscles. He then tried blowing up rather large blow up toys, including blow up sex dolls, to strenghten his vocal chords. He ate hundreds of Ricola mints and tried to breathe cold air. Then one day, Terry met a lady who had a similar problem. The lady had a deep voice like a man's. They fell in love and forgot about their troubles, until Terry found out the lady was a man. It happened when the "lady" told Terry that he could deepen his voice by giving "her" a little deep throat....ughhh. Can you say "deep throat," children?"

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Pitt Report 105--Extreme Redneck Makeover

Originally posted on my first blog, on July 30, 2007


Chief Blacktoes first appeared in Summer 2005, holding the first-ever summer camp in the Ink Pitt! The Emo Indian taught the members of the Ink Pitt the ways of Native Americans--when he wasn't crying about his ex-wife leaving him!
Hey Ya'll this here's Billy G. Hydrick, yore average American redneck! Well lemme tell ya'll what ah did last week! Ah held the first-ever Extreme Redneck Makeover! Ah know this Injun...ah mean Indian feller named Chief Blacktoes. He's been having trouble finding women to date him since his wife, Sunny Big Breasts, left him for a scandalous life as a stripper at da Huge Rack Club! Some fellers and I actually saw her act...and WOOWEE it shore is hot!! But anyway, ah agreed ta help Blacktoes get some women by making him over as a redneck! So on Day One, ah sent him to Disney World! Why? Ah dunno...it's what they do on that Extreme Home Makeover show so ah thought it was a good idea. So while ah was in South Carolina, hanging out at Blacktoes' TeePee, he was down in Orlando meeting up with that overgrown mouse! Man them Crackers down in Floridia sure are weird...Giant Mice haha!! Well I had some other fellers there with me who wanted to learn to be rednecks, so first I taught them some redneck ettiquitt! Here's some expressions ta use at the dinner table when yore wife is giving ya a hard time:
WOMAN, GIMMIE MAH BEER! PASS THE DAMN TATERS!
GET YORE WHITE TRASH BUTT OVER HERE AND POUR ME SOME MORE TEA!
And here's some stuff to tell her in the bedroom:
TAKE OFF YOUR DAMN CLOTHES AND GET NEKKID!
DANG RIGHT I'M BRINGIN' MY SNUFF TO BED!
YOU SHORE IS GETTIN' FAT...YOUR BOOBS ARE STARTIN' TO SAG
TURN OFF THE LIGHT...AH CAN'T DO IT WHILE LOOKIN' AT YOU
WANNA DO IT IN MAH DEER STAND?
After that, ah let dem fellers see what redneck teeth look like..after not brushing mah teeth for a month! Finally, ah gave em a shore fire way to pick up hot women! Ah pulled out my white trash baby (which ah found in the garbage can earlier that morning...city folks throw away everythin!) and showed her around!

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Inkstains 22

Classic Inkstains #22--Kelly's Thai Heritage
Kelly reveals her Thai heritage and lets Josh know that she is a "sexy Thai lady!" This episode marks the beginning of Kelly's flirtations with my character.

Inkstains characters, stories, and art (C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson
Inkstains now updates every Sunday and Wednesday

All-new episodes return Wednesday 4.6.11!

Classic Pitt Report 104--Peepers Returns/Admit You're Gay Match

Originally posted on my first blog, on June 6, 2007 Note: The return of live Ink Pitt Shows kept me so busy that I neglected the blog for a while. This posting was the first one in nearly a month.

Mr. Peepers arrrives, ready for the
Admit You're Gay Match!

"After spending long time away from blog, Peepers decide it time he come back and talk to all his sexy female admirers online (anyone on Josh's friends list that is female hehe). Peepers know you missed him, so he come back to peep into your worlds and view ALL your female wonders hehehe!!! Peepers get so excited at that thought! Peeping into all of your lives and seeing you naked before Peepers make Peepers feel powerful...powerful and very very VERY hard!! Well Peepers been making visits to Ink Pitt, and now it seems Peepers got into trouble with other Ink Pitt character named Manly Man! Peepers was hanging around all-ladies fitness place and one lady complain to manager! Manager was this Manly Man character, who walk around with pink feather boa, crown and baton! Peepers know he gay but he not seem to know! So Manly Man challenge Peepers to a wrestling match at the upcoming "POUNDING IN THE PITT." Peepers upped the stakes for the "homo who says he's hetro" by making it the first-ever "Admit You're Gay Match!" The loser has to admit he's gay and wear a dress for a month!! Peepers sure of his manliness, and knows he love sexy ladies and their big boobies. Peepers confident he win and get Manly Man to admit he's gay!!"

Mr. Peepers was right! The Manly Man lost and admitted to being gay and quickly put on the dress and paraded around in the Ink Pitt for all to see!

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson

Classic Pitt Report 103--Ink Pitt: Where it's at!

Originally posted on my first blog, on May 16, 2007


Mr. Peepers arrives in the Ink Pitt!

Well I know everyone who actually reads this is wondering where the heck the Ink Pitt is. It's in West Columbia, SC, in the t-shirt shop where I work. It's a makeshift breakroom where I do improv performances of the characters in my head! Here's a breakdown of the Ink Pitt Returns week so far:

Monday: Vinnie Love comes out and says: "Oww have mercy!! It feels good to dance again! For those of you who don't know, my name is Vinnie Love, and I'm here to tell ya that the Ink Pitt is back, baby! We're doing it one more time, daddy! And this time we're doing it bigger and badder than ever! Ole Vinnie is here to roll out the red carpet for the Ink Pitt characters! I'll be back later on in the week, but today, coming up next, LIVE in the Ink Pitt...put your hands together for TRODEMUS: PROPHET OF DOOM."

Prophet of Doom comes out to "Blood" theme song and made these predictions: the monster will return, Peepers did impregnate that woman (which you've all heard but the members of the Ink Pitt have not), and that he sees strange things!

Tuesday: The Manly Man debuts in the Ink Pitt and talks about his exercise equipment advertisers wanting him to get a more gay theme song for his commercials, at which point he left it up to the audience to decide. Among the songs were the Divinyls "I Touch Myself," former WWE wrestler Chyna's entrance theme "Who I Am," gay wresters Billy and Chuck's theme song "You Look So Good to Me," and "Man's Man" used for WWE wrestler William Regal. "Man's Man" won, which made the Manly man happy. Happy all the way down to his pink boa, crown, and shoes, with baton.

Wednesday: Ink Avenger ran out and did superhero dance which was unscheduled. Peepers called about getting Avenger a prostitute and the Avenger flew away quick! The Billy G. did his cabbage tobbacco eating thing while talking about hunting.

The Classic Pitt Report updates five days a week on this blog!
All characters, stories, photos, and performances are
(C) Copyright 2011 Joshua Dyson