Classic Pitt Report 137

Originally posted on my first blog, on May 1, 2009

Red Doom is chosen as the last member 
of the New Ink Pitt!

Today’s Show: Pitts Apart Conclusion
Hands of Time appeared and said that Pitts Apart was now nearly complete, with the only two characters left untouched by the May Move being Red Doom and Johnny Pizazz. Pizazz and Doom showed up moments later, prepared to fight Hands of Time. Hands of Time told them it was too late, and that he had already sent all those he desired to the New Ink Pitt, and Red Doom would be the last. First, he read off the list of characters who were going to the New Ink Pitt, and then also read who would be staying the Shit Pitt (see below). Red Doom realized this would happen and that it would be meaningless to fight Hands of Time. Doom did warn Hands of Time though, that his prophecy of the one who sees beyond sight coming to stop him, would still come true. With that, Hands of Time laughed and snapped his fingers, and Doom was gone. Johnny Pizazz was left in the Shit Pitt as Hands of Time then also vanished.

Official Post-Pitts Apart lineup

New Ink Pitt (Inkcast show)
Stardust
Black Doom
Rufus
She-Peepers
King Trostelus
Trevor Hydrick
Wilbur Hydrick
Billy G. Hydrick
J-Diddy "junior" Hydrick
Manly Man
Lenny the Leprechaun
Grandmaster Squeegee
Just A Solider
Jamaican Zombie
Potbellied Ninja
Dark Cat
Officer Rick Bates
Screenface
Chief Blacktoes
Discarded T-Shirt Monster
French Phallus
Cracky

Shit Pitt (Shitshow)
Hands of Time
Mr. Peepers*
Ink Avenger
Shithead
Steve Spurrier
Sambo Jackson
Optic Ink Eye
Juan Juarez
La Luna Guerrero
Humphrey the Hunchback Hobo
Johnny Pizazz
Betram Bunny
Mr. Clementine
Ronny slickbottom
Vinnie Love
Rosewood Cowboy
Reverend Reynolds
Terrance the Pirate
Doctor Dyson
The Conductor*
Halabaad
Glademus*
Rosewood Pimp*
Rosewood Russian*
Van Punker*
Kamola, Thai Lady*

*Though originally planned to be part of the Shit Pitt, Mr. Peepers, Glademus, and the previously unseen characters listed here ended up appearing in Peepers' Pitt instead.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are (C) 2013 Joshua Dyson
The characters and events portrayed in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Classic Pitt Report 136

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 30, 2009

The Hands of Time!

Show 1: Hands of Time Claims the Hydricks/Grandma Hydrick's Shit
Hands of Time appeared at the Hydricks' residence today, come to claim the boys for the new Ink Pitt on behalf of Stardust. Hands of Time had a brief scuffle with Wilbur Hydrick, who tried to trick Hands of Time into going into the bathroom and "sniffing" the "present" he left in the toilet for him. Hands of Time was momentarily fooled thinking that Wilbur really had left some crack in there for him. Hands of Time thought for a moment though, and realized what Wilbur was trying to get him to do. Hands of Time then said he was not there to fight, but to transport the boys away from their "grandma." This idea caused "Grandma" Hydrick to protest, as she went and got
right up in Hands of Time's face. Hands of Time then asked how the boys could be so dumb, and not see the truth about "grandma." He said they should have listened to Rufus' warning that she smelled funny and that she was "bad, bad, bad." Red Doom also said something was not right with "grandma" Hydrick, but still the boys didn't get it. A major giveaway was when "grandma" had Trevor pick the backed up, hard
crap out of Wilbur's butt. Hands of Time then snapped his fingers and the disguise fell away. Where Grandma Hydrick was, now stood none other than Shithead, who had been missing for months! Shithead cursed Hands of Time and vowed revenge on him, and said he had spent so much time making the boys believe that Grandma Hydrick was still alive and now it was all in vain. Shithead had planned to use the boys in his
growing evil army. Shithead left, and the boys couldn't believe what had happened. Realizing Grandma Hydrick wasn't alive, they all started breaking down and crying. Hands of Time couldn't take anymore, and with a snap of his fingers, the boys vanished, transported to the new Ink Pitt to join Rufus, She-Peepers, and King Trostelus.

Show 2: Stardust takes Just A Solider
While standing guard as part of Pizazz and Doom's army against Hands of Time, Ink Avenger and Just A Solider encountered Stardust. Stardust walked up, suprising the two as he appeared out nowhere. Ink Avenger told Stardust to stay back, unless he wanted to get severely beaten. Stardust asked Ink Avenger how it made him feel to wear his underwear on the outside, and then went on to tell about the first time he put on ladies' panties and fishnets. He said it made him feel so good and very, very beautiful. Stardust said he was not there for Ink Avenger, though he hoped they "crossed" paths in the future. He had come for a very beautiful man by the name of Just A Solider. The solider agreed with the order of Stardust by saying "sir, yes sir!" He then began talking about birds flying and how he couldn't understand why. Stardust then caused him to vanish to the new Ink Pitt. Ink Avenger got mad and tried to rush him. Stardust disappeared before he could be touched.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances are (C) 2012 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Classic Pitt Report 135

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 29, 2009

Introducing Stardust, the Star-Crossed Crossdresser!

Show 1: Coming of Stardust
As promised, Hands of Time introduced the entity that will be taking over the second "universe" of characters after Pitts Apart is complete. Hands of Time toyed with the audience, finally revealing the entity to be Stardust, the Starlet of Space! Evidently, the Stardust entity has some kind of control over space and things in it (a la time and space). Stardust, however, turned out to be much more than a simple cosmic entity that was birthed in the stars. He came out talking about true beauty and how he was a beautiful young man who loved "pretty" things. He said he enjoyed wearing women's clothes, and that was obvious from the long sparkly wig and strange face markings he wore. He called himself the Starlet of Space, but also the Star-Crossed Crossdresser!! He paraded around, touching himself and sucking up air and releasing it with profane puffs that blew the sparkly hairs of his wig in all directions. He thanked Hands of Time and promised to do a good job. He got excited when he thought of Rufus the retard in his universe, and how he was going to turn him into a "beautiful, prim and proper young man."

Show 2: Stardust meets Manly Man
Not wasting any time with Pitts Apart, Stardust and Hands of Time appeared where the Manly Man and Sambo were. Manly Man had just remarked about how hot it was, and how he was going to take his clothes off. He decided Sambo should do it instead, so Manly Man could take pictures and sell it to Playgirl magazine. Manly Man and Sambo were shocked to see Hands of Time and Stardust. Hands of Time said he didn't want Manly Man in his universe and how he was basically kicking him out. Stardust invited him to come along, and Manly Man, seeing the decorative crossdresser as the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, immediately agreed to go with him. The two disappeared, leaving Sambo and Hands of Time behind. Sambo talked with Hands of Time, asking why they had the same type of voice, and if they were somehow related. Hands of Time just vanished, saying there were just some things he didn't need to know. Sambo was bewildered, left behind, and for the first time ever, with no master!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Mr. Peepers Stage Show introduction

This is the introduction to one of my Mr. Peepers stage shows that I have been performing at Cafe Strudel in West Columbia, SC. I will be performing again this spring! Come out and see me live on stage!




All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2012 Joshua Dyson

All characters appearing in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Mr. Peepers & the Pittspace Comic

Detail of the comic book
Mr. Peepers, from the
Mr. Peepers postcard

Buy the first-ever Mr. Peepers postcard in a 10-pack to mail to your friends! Available now for $7.50 plus postage!

Classic Pitt Report 134

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 28, 2009

Hands of Time begins his plans for Pitts Apart!

Show 1: Hands of Time confronts Red Doom
Red Doom came out today and predicted the Hands of Time's arrival a few minutes later. Doom and Hands of Time argued back and forth about things. Doom predicted once more that Hands of Time would be defeated by the one who sees beyond sight. Hands of Time said that tomorrow, he would introduce the new proprietor of the second pitt that he was going to create. He said that Doom would like her, since she fills up a lot of space. Doom said that maybe change would be good, and that the upcoming Pitts Apart wouldn't be so bad. Doom said that he would still fight Hands of Time to the end though.

Show 2: Pitts Apart Begins: Rufus Removed
Hands of Time next appeared before Rufus, and said that he lied about Pitts Apart starting on May 1. He said that it was going to begin right then, and Rufus was going to be the first to take a trip to the second plane of existence. Hands of Time said that their last encounter was a fluke, and that Rufus was able to resist him freezing him in time because his retarded (slow) brain was already frozen, and that he didn't realize what Hands of Time was doing to him. This time, Hands of Time snapped his fingers, and suddenly Rufus was overly scared and was crying out to his mommy not to send him away. That's exactly what Hands of Time did though, as Rufus vanished into thin air. Hands of Time then announced that he was also randomly selecting She Peepers and King Trostelus to also go to this new plane of existence.

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Classic Pitt Report 133

Originally posted on my first blog, on April 23, 2009

Rufus still thinks he's a superhero!.

Special Man Speaks
My name is...Special Man!!! I.....a.....superhero! I...fight....fight...fight bad guys and beeeat them up fo being bad! I come to Shit Pitt 'cause I good guy and.....I fight to help....people like Rufus! If you...bad guy....you get beat UP by me. So so so if any bad guys hear me.....you bet...er watch out 'cause Special Man coming for you!! (bRAPPP) OOPS I GOT GAS!!

All characters, stories, photos, and performances
are (C) 2011 Joshua Dyson

The characters and events portrayed in this work
are fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.